Monday, June 3, 2013

Soliciting Tongue-in-Cheek Job Descriptions

Today I noticed that a academic acquaintance describes hir employment on hir social network homepage as "adolescent therapist, grade dispenser and stand up actor at X University". I LOVE it. If I were doing the same, I'm not sure how I'd describe what I do, exactly. Fellow Miserians, how would YOU describe what you do?

18 comments:

  1. Well, an elementary-school classmate who *was* working in academia (I'm not sure of her exact job, but she was doing at least some teaching) has recently quit, and currently describes herself on facebook as "summer nanny chez [her last name]." She seems pretty happy with the change (and seems to be considering non-academic/consulting jobs as her next step).

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  2. Destroyer of Dreams and Scourge of the Summer Session.

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  3. While I was teaching, I think my job title should have been Learning Dispenser and Success Architect, the latter being because the last president at the institution while I was there said that our jobs were to ensure that our students were "successful".

    Then there were those who thought it should have been Customer Torturer and Abuser, all because I thought that my "customers" should earn their grades and do so while behaving in a proper and disciplined manner.

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  4. This one comes courtesy of a friend: "Dispenser of F's to Dim-witted Undergraduates."

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  5. According to a student last week, I'm a Professional Hard-ass.

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    Replies
    1. See, when you say it, it just sounds sexy. ;)

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  6. I know someone who was dubbed "Dark Lord of the Operational Amplifier" and another known as "The Spawn of Satan." Both are quite proud of their titles.

    Having been raised in a strongly religious home, I shy away from having demonic monikers applied to my name, or my origin being associated with "the bad place." I think my title would be "Kitten Wrangler and Human Raid Can" because it seems like I have finally mastered the art of herding kittens (aka, teaching freshman and sophomore lab sessions) and how many students I have assisted in debugging programs and the like.

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  7. I have "Professional Babysitter" listed as my career, but I students would likely call me "Big Meanie."

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  8. I've long aspired to the title of "grand omnipotent stomper."

    However, after hearing the phrase used during an episode of "The West Wing" where they were receiving new ambassadors, I printed business cards with the title: Course instructor/developer, extraordinary and plenipotentiary.

    Sadly, no one has noticed yet.

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  9. Forcer of students to learn things themselves.

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  10. Indentured servant/wanna be professor

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  11. Direct Prerequisite Exchequer Superlative

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  12. Memo-writer and E-mail-Answerer Laureate of the West Coast.

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  13. I've been accused of being a "Professional Slack-ass" because my research deals with popular media like comic books, television, and mindless genre flicks.

    It's a fair cop.

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  14. These are all very entertaining, but it still worries me some when I see them on LinkedIn.

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