If the salaries of a “few” senior faculty members can cover the salaries of “all” qualified adjuncts, I wish I worked where you do. Or did I miss a joke?
My department has only one senior member who has been here for more than twenty years. I wonder: is she a greybeard? Or did I miss a joke?
Joking aside, I can’t speak for your institution, but I work for a department of ten “permanent” faculty and nearly thirty-five adjuncts. Of those ten, five of us have tenure, and as I mention, only one has been here more than twenty years. The five tenure-track colleagues are working diligently: teaching three classes, each advising 40 majors, serving on committees, yet trying to publish enough to please the latest provost who says that we’re now a research institution—merely because he says we are—apparently once he’d arrived. Yes, of course, they’re fortunate to have jobs, but they’re working to keep them.
Instead, if I were president for a day, I would “clear more salary” by firing vice-presidents who were hired to “generate revenue” but who only do so by cutting what they argue is “cost,” the salaries of “permanent” teaching faculty, by “covering classes” with adjuncts. And I would simply reduce the size of the college by accepting fewer students, especially transfer students from community colleges who haven’t earned acceptable grades whom we admit nonetheless so we can charge them full tuition to “offset cuts in state funding” to help pay for the vice-presidents who argue we’re in serious financial trouble and must rely on adjuncts to “cover” classes for our booming student population which means we’re growing which they argue is the sign of an up-and-coming institution, for bigger is better, of course.
@Bubba: Not likely unless the whole school is closed. I teach certain "essential" classes that are required for several majors/minors, and I'm the only one in the school that can. If they fired me and hired someone cheaper, I'd sue. Besides, with salary compression I'm not all that more expensive than a new hire. Too much trouble to fire me.
I just automatically bristle at the "fire the greybeards" stuff. No one's firing me unless I start sending pictures of my twat to 22-year-old students.
I assume this means 24h with full dictatorial powers.
First Decree-Law: henceforth all administrators (dept chairs to the president) will be drawn from the tenured faculty, for a fixed non-renewable four-year term. Professors will have a 1+1 teaching load while serving in an administrative role (lower-division GenEd courses only), and the position will carry a predetermined, temporary salary increase not to exceed 25% of the average full prof salary.
Second Decree-Law: Admission standards will be tightened, so as to reduce (or keep stable) total undergraduate enrollment. The numerical goal will be to keep the average state appropriations per student constant in time (assuming a state school here). Admission will be based on academics only (high school record and SAT scores.)
Third Decree-Law: Humanities/Social Sciences and Mathematics/Natural Sciences will reside in different colleges. Each department will be required to post on its web page the employment status/first employer of its graduates on the previous year (without the names, of course.)
Fourth Decree-Law. The university will immediately dissolve its NCAA football and basketball programs. There will be no more recruiting of "student athletes". The Athletics Department will be drastically reduced, focusing on providing activities for legitimate students. Its administrators will be drawn from the faculty, as above. Alumni wishing to donate to the U will not be allowed to target their donations to Athletics.
Fifth decree-law: non-tenure track positions will be gradually abolished, to be replaced by TT faculty hired competitively, and required to be active in research/original scholarship (current non-TT faculty certainly eligible). Graduate students may work as TAs, but not be responsible for a class.
(I suppose after the 24h I'd be taken out and shot in the quad, to a cheering audience).
Sixth decree-law: major policy decisions (admissions policies, procedures for faculty review, termination of tenured faculty or academic programs, changes to the Faculty Handbook) are subject to approval (vote) by the Faculty Senate, which is also charged with performance review for administrators above the dept chair level. The Senate's decisions are binding on administrators.
Seventh decree-law (no social promotion): tenure and promotion of faculty occur after a standard predetermined number of years, depending deterministically on research/scholarship indicators (points system), as well as external letters and satisfactory peer reviews of teaching (for tenure cases). Specifically, T/P decisions are not subject to a faculty vote, or to an administrator's recommendation.
Eight decree-law: University employees' registered domestic partners are eligible to enroll in the U's health insurance plans, as well as benefits such as use of the gym and a library card (max of two partners per employee.)
Thanks for the support, PG! And I'll have to ask the current ones...
Two more and I'm done: 9) Upon reaching age 67, professors lose their faculty vote; and will be assigned to teach graduate courses with lower priority. (Since there is no retirement age, there has to be some mechanism to make room for new ideas and new priorities.) 10) Required courses in areas unrelated to a student's major will not exceed 20% of the total coursework required for graduation. Program requirements will be designed to make it possible for a student to graduate in four years, taking no more than four academic courses per semester. All undergraduate lectures will be held on a twice a week schedule (not including recitation.)
give the adjuncts a pay raise, reopen a closed parking lot, cut back on a few admin positions, give every department one more TT-track position, and re-allow dogs on campus (with certain safety conditions).
I would make Hiram Hannah Chief God of the Planetary Omnibus. And then I'd do something for the adjuncts.
I'd declare all of May Hiram Hannah Month, a feast of croissants and raspberry punch each day at 10. I'd widen the parking spaces in Lot B.
I'd ask someone to make me a jeweled scepter that played music.
I'd give a part-timer my office, and move into the football coach's office. I'd name myself captain of the coffee club, never having to pay that shitty dollar again.
I'd modify my teaching schedule, wait, delete it.
I'd hold office hours in the shallow end of the pool.
I'd read a poem I wrote as an undergrad over the student union's loudspeaker and make the assemblage applaud at the end.
Presuming that the CC president didn't have to get approval from the Board of Trustees:
I'd start using a proportion of the funds in the rainy-day reserve to convert adjunct positions to TT ones. Rainy day? It's pouring. And if the majority of faculty work part time, the college and students miss out on the committed availability of the professionals at the core of the college's mission. (Oh, right, I don't need to sell this.)
I'd fire the VP for Facilities and promote one of the skilled crafts guys who knows the college inside and out, listens equally well to women and men at every level, and understands the respect inherent in accommodations that go beyond the ADA minimum. The new head would get a raise, but not as much as the VP got; remaining funds would pay another full-time skilled crafts or HVAC person.
I'd fire the incompetent Risk Manager and transfer those responsibilities to the campus police, to make one more of the campus cops full-time. Then maybe we could get some actual safety precautions about shooters.
I'd establish a separate budget item for the Veterans' Resource Center, including a full-time vet staffer, so it doesn't have to beg for funding every year and turn away vets 20 hours a week. Funding would come from trimming the Purchasing and HR staffs.
I'd decree that the rules for student clubs be stripped to the minimum so that more students could participate. Currently clubs need startup time every semester to find four different officers carrying enough units and a suitable GPA; one of these also needs to schedule classes around the Student Association weekly meetings.
I'd decree that final exams be held during the normal time the class meets. For example, if a class meets at 9:45 am all semester, it shall not be scheduled for a 7 am final exam.
And at the end of my 24 hours, I'd rig the office and its door so that the returning president would meet a barrage of pies in the face.
I like that you remembered the ADA and veterans in your plan. We need a VP or something to make our campus really ADA compliant (before the lawsuits start rolling in).
Rule One: the number of administrators shall not be greater than the number of FT faculty. Rule Two: for each number of adjunct hours in a department equal to the number of hours required of a FT faculty member, that block of hours shall be taught by adding a FT faculty position.
2) Order trucks filled with manure to be dumped in the swimming pool that was donated by some fat cat parent who wants special treatment for their little darling.
I'd fire a few greybeards to free up funds to make all qualified adjuncts tenured track.
ReplyDeleteIf the salaries of a “few” senior faculty members can cover the salaries of “all” qualified adjuncts, I wish I worked where you do. Or did I miss a joke?
DeleteMy department has only one senior member who has been here for more than twenty years. I wonder: is she a greybeard? Or did I miss a joke?
Joking aside, I can’t speak for your institution, but I work for a department of ten “permanent” faculty and nearly thirty-five adjuncts. Of those ten, five of us have tenure, and as I mention, only one has been here more than twenty years. The five tenure-track colleagues are working diligently: teaching three classes, each advising 40 majors, serving on committees, yet trying to publish enough to please the latest provost who says that we’re now a research institution—merely because he says we are—apparently once he’d arrived. Yes, of course, they’re fortunate to have jobs, but they’re working to keep them.
Instead, if I were president for a day, I would “clear more salary” by firing vice-presidents who were hired to “generate revenue” but who only do so by cutting what they argue is “cost,” the salaries of “permanent” teaching faculty, by “covering classes” with adjuncts. And I would simply reduce the size of the college by accepting fewer students, especially transfer students from community colleges who haven’t earned acceptable grades whom we admit nonetheless so we can charge them full tuition to “offset cuts in state funding” to help pay for the vice-presidents who argue we’re in serious financial trouble and must rely on adjuncts to “cover” classes for our booming student population which means we’re growing which they argue is the sign of an up-and-coming institution, for bigger is better, of course.
You can't fire us greybeards. We have tenure. And we're not going anywhere.
Delete@Stella: Beware financial exigency.
Delete@Bubba: Not likely unless the whole school is closed. I teach certain "essential" classes that are required for several majors/minors, and I'm the only one in the school that can. If they fired me and hired someone cheaper, I'd sue. Besides, with salary compression I'm not all that more expensive than a new hire. Too much trouble to fire me.
DeleteI just automatically bristle at the "fire the greybeards" stuff. No one's firing me unless I start sending pictures of my twat to 22-year-old students.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI assume this means 24h with full dictatorial powers.
ReplyDeleteFirst Decree-Law: henceforth all administrators (dept chairs to the president) will be drawn from the tenured faculty, for a fixed non-renewable four-year term. Professors will have a 1+1 teaching load while serving in an administrative role (lower-division GenEd courses only), and the position will carry a predetermined, temporary salary increase not to exceed 25% of the average full prof salary.
Second Decree-Law: Admission standards will be tightened, so as to reduce (or keep stable) total undergraduate enrollment. The numerical goal will be to keep the average state appropriations per student constant in time (assuming a state school here). Admission will be based on academics only (high school record and SAT scores.)
Third Decree-Law: Humanities/Social Sciences and Mathematics/Natural Sciences will reside in different colleges. Each department will be required to post on its web page the employment status/first employer of its graduates on the previous year (without the names, of course.)
Fourth Decree-Law. The university will immediately dissolve its NCAA football and basketball programs. There will be no more recruiting of "student athletes". The Athletics Department will be drastically reduced, focusing on providing activities for legitimate students. Its administrators will be drawn from the faculty, as above. Alumni wishing to donate to the U will not be allowed to target their donations to Athletics.
Fifth decree-law: non-tenure track positions will be gradually abolished, to be replaced by TT faculty hired competitively, and required to be active in research/original scholarship (current non-TT faculty certainly eligible). Graduate students may work as TAs, but not be responsible for a class.
(I suppose after the 24h I'd be taken out and shot in the quad, to a cheering audience).
Sixth decree-law: major policy decisions (admissions policies, procedures for faculty review, termination of tenured faculty or academic programs, changes to the Faculty Handbook) are subject to approval (vote) by the Faculty Senate, which is also charged with performance review for administrators above the dept chair level. The Senate's decisions are binding on administrators.
DeleteSeventh decree-law (no social promotion): tenure and promotion of faculty occur after a standard predetermined number of years, depending deterministically on research/scholarship indicators (points system), as well as external letters and satisfactory peer reviews of teaching (for tenure cases). Specifically, T/P decisions are not subject to a faculty vote, or to an administrator's recommendation.
Eight decree-law: University employees' registered domestic partners are eligible to enroll in the U's health insurance plans, as well as benefits such as use of the gym and a library card (max of two partners per employee.)
Peter K for President! (And are you maxed out on partners?)
DeleteThanks for the support, PG! And I'll have to ask the current ones...
DeleteTwo more and I'm done:
9) Upon reaching age 67, professors lose their faculty vote; and will be assigned to teach graduate courses with lower priority. (Since there is no retirement age, there has to be some mechanism to make room for new ideas and new priorities.)
10) Required courses in areas unrelated to a student's major will not exceed 20% of the total coursework required for graduation. Program requirements will be designed to make it possible for a student to graduate in four years, taking no more than four academic courses per semester. All undergraduate lectures will be held on a twice a week schedule (not including recitation.)
give the adjuncts a pay raise, reopen a closed parking lot, cut back on a few admin positions, give every department one more TT-track position, and re-allow dogs on campus (with certain safety conditions).
ReplyDeleteFire the last "Vice President" he hired.
ReplyDeleteI would make Hiram Hannah Chief God of the Planetary Omnibus. And then I'd do something for the adjuncts.
ReplyDeleteI'd declare all of May Hiram Hannah Month, a feast of croissants and raspberry punch each day at 10. I'd widen the parking spaces in Lot B.
I'd ask someone to make me a jeweled scepter that played music.
I'd give a part-timer my office, and move into the football coach's office. I'd name myself captain of the coffee club, never having to pay that shitty dollar again.
I'd modify my teaching schedule, wait, delete it.
I'd hold office hours in the shallow end of the pool.
I'd read a poem I wrote as an undergrad over the student union's loudspeaker and make the assemblage applaud at the end.
Not that I've ever thought about it before.
I would sit in my office eating beef jerky and drinking bourbon.
ReplyDeleteJesus, talk about an opening...
DeleteBubba, you do that already!!!!
Presuming that the CC president didn't have to get approval from the Board of Trustees:
ReplyDeleteI'd start using a proportion of the funds in the rainy-day reserve to convert adjunct positions to TT ones. Rainy day? It's pouring. And if the majority of faculty work part time, the college and students miss out on the committed availability of the professionals at the core of the college's mission. (Oh, right, I don't need to sell this.)
I'd fire the VP for Facilities and promote one of the skilled crafts guys who knows the college inside and out, listens equally well to women and men at every level, and understands the respect inherent in accommodations that go beyond the ADA minimum. The new head would get a raise, but not as much as the VP got; remaining funds would pay another full-time skilled crafts or HVAC person.
I'd fire the incompetent Risk Manager and transfer those responsibilities to the campus police, to make one more of the campus cops full-time. Then maybe we could get some actual safety precautions about shooters.
I'd establish a separate budget item for the Veterans' Resource Center, including a full-time vet staffer, so it doesn't have to beg for funding every year and turn away vets 20 hours a week. Funding would come from trimming the Purchasing and HR staffs.
I'd decree that the rules for student clubs be stripped to the minimum so that more students could participate. Currently clubs need startup time every semester to find four different officers carrying enough units and a suitable GPA; one of these also needs to schedule classes around the Student Association weekly meetings.
I'd decree that final exams be held during the normal time the class meets. For example, if a class meets at 9:45 am all semester, it shall not be scheduled for a 7 am final exam.
And at the end of my 24 hours, I'd rig the office and its door so that the returning president would meet a barrage of pies in the face.
Sorry, did you say you want more participation in student strip clubs? I have to stop using Bubba as a mentor.
DeleteYou must be too drunk to think straight. I have never recommended participation in strip clubs.
DeleteI like that you remembered the ADA and veterans in your plan. We need a VP or something to make our campus really ADA compliant (before the lawsuits start rolling in).
DeleteTuition waivers for GTAs, and mandatory snowflakery reeducation camps.
ReplyDeleteOoh, ooh, run by Strelnikov?
DeleteRule One: the number of administrators shall not be greater than the number of FT faculty.
ReplyDeleteRule Two: for each number of adjunct hours in a department equal to the number of hours required of a FT faculty member, that block of hours shall be taught by adding a FT faculty position.
Excellent rules.
DeleteI would
ReplyDelete1) Give all the adjuncts tenure.
2) Order trucks filled with manure to be dumped in the swimming pool that was donated by some fat cat parent who wants special treatment for their little darling.