I am on summer vacation. This isn't a figure of speech. My contract is nine months long. This month is not one of the nine. I am off contract. Free. Free to be me. Free to read trashy genre novels and eat lunch when I damned well feel like it, wake up when I want, get drunk if I want, study stuff that interests me, do my own research without the university breathing down my back. Free.
So, dear university administrators and colleagues:
STOP CALLING MEETINGS!
I do not want to go in to the office, put on long pants and a jacket in this goddamned heat, and sit and listen to another pointless bitchfest. If you are lonely for human company, do what I do: get friends. Or hire an escort. Talk to your stuffed animals. Whatever: just leave me out of it.
Either that, or pay me.