Ok guys, I am finishing my syllabus and I have decided to put a bit of flava at the end with a not-entirely-impersonal FAQ. Is there any other entry you would suggest?
A: FERPA (Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act) precludes me from discussing your performance with anyone but you. On some cases – if you apply for a job that requires a security clearance – I may be required to reveal some personal information to a government agent. If you have ever hacked into a computer system don’t let me know that you did. Neither I need to know that you belong or have belonged to the Communist Party.
Q: I need to go.
A: By all means don’t even thing about asking for permission. This is not high school.
Q: I am feeling poorly, can I go home?
A: Of course, you should. Thank you for your consideration towards the rest of the class by not exposing them to germs. Some of the other students are parents.
Q: My parent / child / spouse is in hospital and I need to be there.
A: Of course you do. Unless French [replace with your discipline] is more important for you that those that you love. (If it is, you need help).
Q: The sitter has called off and I need to bring my infant child to class.
A: Please don’t. Your offspring is not covered by CrappyU insurance policies and I am liable for anything that may happen to it.
Q: Can I bring my friend / significant other / parent / grown-up child to class?
A: You’re are welcome to do so as long as there is no class disruption nor we go over the maximum of people allowed in the classroom. I may treat them as any other student and ask them questions, though.
Q: Can I use this class as an honors class?
A: No, you can’t.
Q: I need to improve my grade. Can I have some extra credit?
A: I will not offer extra credit under any circumstance.
Q: What do you mean when you answer an email with “CTFS”?
A: “Check the free syllabus”