Monday, September 23, 2013

"My Mean Self Sends Some Email." Dr. Amelia Offers Up Some Old School Smackdown!

Groundhog Day Gary: You know that stuff I wrote on papers 1-3 that you needed to not do any more? You also didn't do it on paper four. So, to answer your question, to get better grades, read what I write is wrong on your papers and STOP DOING THAT THING! SMH.

LMS Lola: It's week 5. It is time for you to learn how to submit your papers in the LMS. If you try this sometime other than 5 seconds before the assignment is due, you can call the helpful technical support number I sent you the last two times you had "problems." I know the LMS is not intuitive. I'm old, and I still learned to use it.

Grubbing Grady: If your assignment is due by 1 p.m. Sunday, don't be e-mailing me at 6 p.m. Sunday asking why I haven't graded it yet. If if you do, for the love of tea and the parties it is served at, do not close with "I hope you had a nice weekend."

Smiling Sheila: That thing in the syllabus about how if you are texting in class, I'm lowering your grade and not telling you? That.

Adminiflake Andy: Yes, I showed up for Parent's Weekend yesterday (part of my nice weekend, Grady - remember you saw me there? Guess what? It's not nice for me). And I talked to flakies' parents. Do you realize that having this coffee for parents and professors mostly means me practicing my happy face elevator speech about FERPA and how I can't tell you how junior is doing in my class?

Loud Larry: Yes, I'm sure the brash class clown routine got you far in high school. Your teachers loved the breath of fresh air you brought into the classroom. Sadly, I don't teach in the comedy major, so you'll have to convince me you know about hamster fur in here.


  1. It's early, but this is POW material. Bam!

    1. Verily, with all due respect to Rosencrantz and/or Guildenstern.

  2. Bring it on! I LOVE THESE! Great way to start the week (and for us, the quarter)!

  3. How about "Eye Rolling Eric" Dude, stop rolling your eyes at me. That is a sign of contempt and disrespect. I get that you don't like this class and you are struggling. Guess what? This class is difficult, you are supposed to struggle!! It isn't my job to make this easy for you. And for the record, while I have contempt for YOU, I keep my eyeballs in my head.