Clumsy Carl
Dear Dr Grumpy, I got the sampler stuck in a tree, what should I do?
Grumpy
According to my notes you borrowed a soil sampler. Please, can you tell me how it got into the tree? With pictures if possible???
And what do you expect me to do about it?
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Cautious Cathy
Dear Dr Grumpy, my research plan said that I would collect 27 purple fleems and 27 red fleems however I have only got 25 purple fleems and 26 red fleems have I wrecked my project???
Grumpy
Statistics Are Your Friends. And we agreed you only needed ten of each way back in May. Calm down, you're fine. Or are you showing off? Just a leetle bit?
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Concerned Connie
I've worked really really hard all summer and only got three samples, this is still enough to get an A right?
Grumpy
Remember when we collected samples like this in class, and each group did eight in an afternoon? Yes, I do know that you had to walk further to collect your project samples, but really, ALL summer to get THREE? I'm amazed. Did you maybe walk backwards and barefoot, and collect them with a leaky teaspoon? And as She said, it's not how big it is it's what you do with it that gets you an A... although your case may be exceptional.
[+]
Catastropic Cecil
I went back to my study streams to get the last set of readings but stream A has been covered with tarmac, stream B had a dead sheep in it, stream C had been diverted to a new drain and there was a bull in the field with stream D in it who chased me up a tree and I had to wait until it was dark to escape. Can I change projects?
Grumpy
There is always one. No, seriously, there IS always one student who has something this calamitous happen. Sucks that it's you, but don't panic, a solution can be found! And yes, if your summer went really badly, a lab-based project alternative can be set up.
Oh, boy. They all sound familiar (even though my students do entirely library/documentary research, you'd be amazed what problems they manage to have). I kinda like Cecil (at least he was genuinely trying), and yes, am curious about Carl's adventures (maybe he forgot to mention encountering the same bull Cecil did, and forgot to bring the soil sampler back down with him?)
ReplyDeleteI'm betting Carl's project involves tree rings, and he mistook a soil sampler for a tree bore. What puzzles me is how he got a soil sampler INTO the tree.
DeleteOh! the calamitous student! Our projects are usually all written/visual art ones (that's what I get for teaching in the Humanities), so the worst that happens is (1) they were lazy and did nothing; (2) their laptop crashed and, as seniors, they're still not savvy enough to have backed up a copy of their projects, so I'm not sympathetic and I tell them to start over again. I would LOVE a dead sheep (well, not really) somewhere in their excuses, but they are never this entertaining.
ReplyDeleteMy syllabus lists a backup system among the "required texts and materials," and I tell them that I'll actually be more sympathetic if they lose two hours' than two months' worth of work (which gets some interesting reactions, then nods of understanding once they've thought about it for a minute or so). Since they've now got access to significant cloud storage in their university accounts (and many of them like google drive), I've taken to reminding them that a good backup system includes both local/physical and cloud copies (I'm suspecting that "the cloud ate my homework" is going to be the next version of the age-old excuse. Perhaps they'll make it more colorful and add a vulture or an albatross or something to the cloud.)
DeleteExactly! Often I think they tell me their computer crashed and they saved nothing when they actually hadn't started on the project...
DeleteThis is hilarious. Thanks, GA! Hope you get your soil sampler back.
ReplyDeleteI suppose you should be thankful that none of your students has gotten a sampler stuck up his nose? I favor a large hammer for those.
ReplyDelete