I haven't posted here for awhile. Things are really picking up steam in my New Job That Is Very New. Funding issues, hiring issues, faculty firing and temporary replacement issues (gah), followed by student issues, travel, a publication due on Thursday (gah again), and of course my normal research and teaching duties connected to this center. But after today, I need to vent, and CM is the best place to vent in this entire World Wide Webz.Problem Posed (by me!):
Today, the parent of an 18-year-old "special needs" students (TRUTH HERE: VERY LAZY STUDENT WITH VERY GENIUS OLDER SIBLING NONE OF WHOSE TALENT RUNS IN THE FAMILY) cornered me.
She told me that Special Student has all sorts of Special Needs (none of which are documented). She questioned me on how I am accommodating those Special Needs. She demanded to know my lesson plan. She wondered why I don't have my lessons prepared for the next few months. She asked to know why she has not received any of my homework assignments, my reading list, or my syllabus. She is worried about his progress, or that he will get a low grade.
To all of which I responded: FERPA FERPA FERPA FERPA FERPA
(just in more conversational language)
This enraged said mother. And she began to lose it, wondering however in the world I had been hired here, and how I must be so grateful for the job, insulting me, my teaching, my research background, and my personal socio-economic status. Fantastic!
By the end of the day, I was pulled into the Dean's office. And she was there. Glory be! The Dean was somewhat supportive of me, but very political about it, so that it appeared that he was also being supportive of the mother. He stopped her multiple times during the interview to point out that her characterization of my refusal to discuss her son was not, in fact "evidence that Dr Monkey hates him" or "fails to appreciate his genius" or "neglects his inability to find peers in the classroom." (GAH) Okay, great, he was able to shut that down. But no matter how supportive he is of me, the fact remains:
He should not be speaking to this mother. I should not be speaking to this mother. The student is 18 years old, supposedly an adult, and there is NO REASON for us to be rewarding her bad behavior by talking to her.
And so, in true form: Unsolicited Advice to a Mother:
Dear Mum of Special-Needs/Not-Special-Needs-Snowflake:
You need to take a step back. I understand that you are a highly educated woman who gave up her career in order to raise two brilliant (well, one brilliant, and one mediocre) children. I understand that you poured your energy into them instead of developing something in yourself. And so I completely see why you feel it is necessary to move near your children and tag behind them. You have done nothing else with your life, so it makes sense (to you) to continue doing this now. Unlike most rounded parents, you did not give your children space as teenagers and use that time to start doing things for yourself again. And so now there is an enormous child-sized hole that you are unwilling to accept.
Nevertheless, you need to stop. You children resent it. You are becoming delusional. You have neglected to treat others as you would have them treat you, and your manic rages concern me.
I have a suggestion. Get a dog. They are so needy!! They WANT you around. All the time. They NEED you. They cannot feed themselves or let themselves out, and they are social creatures who crave your attention all the time.
Get a dog. Name it something clever. Go to doggie parks and doggie groups and get real nerdy about dogs. Knit it stupid outfits and take it on vacation with you, where you can annoy other vacationers with how much you are obsessed with your tiny dog. Take it to the movies and to restaurants. Then get outraged when they forbid you from coming in with your non-service animal. Post about these events on doggie forums. Cluster with other crazy doggie people.
Get this dog and make fake accreditation forms for it so you can pretend that YOU are special needs, and use your same logic from your son's pretend special needs on the dog -- it has medical certification! It is an epilepsy dog! No wait, I'm partially blind and it's my tiny guide dog! Whatever gets your rocks off. Then take it places and DARE people to make you put it in a cage.
Get a dog. And leave the rest of us alone.
WHY? WHY? do Administrators undermine faculty by giving in to student and parental demands? How much of your day was wasted on shit like this? How hard would it have been to say: "Unless your child signs a release form, we cannot share this information with you"?
ReplyDeleteBTW, Brilliant Advice: this would cover a lot of people's problems in life:
Depressed? Get a dog!
Marriage on the fritz? Get a dog!
Need to exercise more: Get a dog!
Stressed? Get a dog!
Cold feet at night? Get a dog!
Funny you say that. The last 3 weeks were really hard on me. So you know what? I GOT A DOG AND NOW THINGS ARE MUCH NICER.
DeleteI like cats, too (high five to Ben's snark below), but dogs are veeerrrrry lovey.
Good for you, taking care of yourself like that.
DeleteAnd even if you had to meet with the parent, you aren't obligated to provide all that she demanded, especially with no official paperwork for the disability.
In fact, when you have to meet with a parent, bring a dog. A big dog. A hungry, ornery dog, tied with a leash that reaches just inches from the parent's chair.
DeleteHurrah for getting a dog! In addition to the unconditional-love thing (which is worth a lot), one has to go home at semi-regular intervals to take care of a dog. When work is getting a bit crazy, that's a good thing. And taking care of oneself in general when work (and big changes in a short time) are getting stressful is a very wise thing.
DeleteI like dogs. Do not inflict this woman on a dog. Cats, on the other hand, are worthless. Let her have a cat.
ReplyDeleteToday is National Cat Day. I know this not because I'm a crazy cat lady, but because the BBC did a bit on it. I'm not sure what one does to celebrate National Cat Day. Spend the day spraying the curtains and pouting under the bed???
DeleteCats are way too independent-minded to consent to live with this woman. She'd get badly scratched the first time she tried to get the cat to do something the cat didn't already want to do.
DeleteThat's the thing abouts cats. You have to really love who you are and be confident around them, or they will sarcasm you to death (and then knock your lamp off your bedside table). Dogs, on the other hand: dogs are for people who need some unconditional love. Super excitement coming home. Treats for everyone. A little pee in the corner of your bathroom.
DeleteI like cats because they AREN'T needy - AM is right, this lady needs a dog (and not a smart one from a working breed. One of those cutesy, rather anxious totally designed to be a pet ones. King Charles Spaniel maybe?)
DeleteOur 3-legged indoor cat, indoor-outdoor cat and barn cat all LOOVE people, and want to rub against them all the time.
DeleteEasy, Ben. I'll bet there are plenty of crazy cat ladies who are also profs. I can see where there would be a strong overlap. As for CC's comment, HELL YES!!! I love the phrasing of "undermining"...that's exactly how I feel when Suzy Snowflake's view of the universe is allowed to trump reality.
ReplyDeleteA student can easily waive FERPA rights allowing parents or guardians access to any grades, educational records, etc. With the parent in the example above, I can easily imagine the student giving consnt.
ReplyDeleteOH EXPLETIVES I bet this is what happened and this is why she has been hanging around so much I AM SUDDENLY SO ANGRY (shakes fist at universe)
DeleteBut you can't just assume the parent is telling the truth. You have to check with the Registrar. You send a request to the Registrar once a week on [day of the week that was yesterday]. They'll have to use campus mail to send you a copy of the signed FERPA form for your files. (Email and phone are not sufficiently secure for such a private matter.)
DeleteMy point is, establishing the validity of a FERPA form's existance takes time. Enough for you to get a head start on drinking.
This.
DeleteBut, also, and more importantly, it appears that the RGM has changed the color of the commenters' names to a very light olive green. Was this change approved by the branding & marketing committee? How are we ever going to get the compound off the ground as a full-fledged, accredited institution if people don't follow the rules? One of you really needs to get with the program. (The other two of you are ok.)
Our FERPA waiver shows up online on the student's profile. It says clearly to whom information can be released if the students has waived his or her right.
DeleteOf course get the form first. But I've had students deliver the form in advance of the forthcoming call!!
DeleteIndeed, I fear this is the wave of the future (though I haven't yet seen it happen at my institution -- well, except for the blanket FERPA waivers that athletes are apparently required to sign as a condition of their non-employment, so the athletic department academic advisors -- a completely separate system from the regular academic advisors -- can send us mass-emailed requests for progress reports). If it's going to become common in your institution, Monkey, then someone needs to set up guidelines for exactly when and how parents can expect to communicate with faculty; otherwise, in some schools, professors are going end up spending more time communicating with parents than with snow--er, students. It seems like step #1 would be for the student to share hir passwords with the parent, so the parent can see exactly how the student is (or isn't) communicating with faculty and others, completing work on the LMS, etc., etc. In most cases, that would yield data that is highly favorable to the faculty member, and considerably less so to faltering students. I also suspect that a good number of students who can be strong-armed into signing a FERPA waiver (parents are paying tuition after all) would not be at all happy to have mommy and/or daddy dearest monitoring their email inbox and/or the LMS.
DeleteBut seriously, if this is going to become common, then that Dean needs to put together an ad-hoc committee, pronto, to set up some guidelines for faculty-parent communication in cases where the student has signed a FERPA waiver.
Also, if she's claiming accommodations but doesn't have paperwork, that's another area for referral, referral, referral. I can't even consider an accommodation unless I have official paperwork (it says so in the university catalog, and on my syllabus).
Okay so literally 30 minutes ago I double-checked a recommendation for a high school student that worked for me two summers ago and hopes to get into college. Her Common App profile literally has an option to waive FERPA, and of course she has now waived it. Stupid stupid child.
DeleteMore importantly: Bubba, I too noticed the olive green. I suppose this means Cal is in charge, and that Cash just showed up with some weed. There is no other plausible explanation.
CC's comment suggests the following question: even if the student has signed a FERPA waiver, is there anything that obligates a faculty member to talk to a parent? Can't I just say "no, I won't discuss an adult's academic performance with you"? The parent can then go and talk to my dept chair or dean if he/she wishes, but I for one have better things to do with my time. (And I'm tenured, so what one parent thinks of me doesn't matter, or shouldn't).
DeletePeter, my school treats a parent with a signed FERPA form as if the parent is the student himself. I can't refuse to talk with a student so I can't refuse to talk with a parent either. However, when I'm in that situation, I do insist that the student be present when I meet with the parent. This often causes the parent to just talk with the kid (imagine doing that!) and allows me to stay out of it.
DeleteIs the waiver on the Common Application some version of what we used to call the Buckley Waiver, which waives the right to see recommendations (thus making them more reliable)? Maybe that actually comes under FERPA, too, but I'm pretty sure it's a separate thing (right to see recommendations written by teachers, etc. vs. right for parents to see adult child's grades).
DeleteI'm reminded of an unfortunate series of events that happened to a colleague. Said colleague kicked a student out of class one day for dropping f-bombs and just all around making a scene. The student brought his parents on campus and stormed the Dean's office. Attempting to explain FERPA, the Dean got nowhere and ultimately had to kick the family out of his office.
ReplyDeleteWell, it didn't end there. Mommy and daddy then drove up to the president's office, who gladly gave them audience. To make a long story short, said colleague lost his teaching position at the college. What did he do to deserve that? He kicked an unruly student out of class, as he was supposed to do. The President's justification: You did all the right things, but too much drama pal!
So, on one hand, your Dean's an idiot.
On the other, your Dean undermining you may be because your president is an idiot. Your Dean may be worried of the consequences should the president have to mess up his/her drinking schedule.
Unfortunately, both possibilities are equally likely.
And this is yet another reason why at-will/semester-by-semester employment of professors is a very bad idea, and tenure, unions, or anything else that can protect faculty from the "just too much drama" argument are very good ideas.
DeleteLet's be clear that there is no argument: my president is indeed an idiot.
DeleteA laborcampable idiot? We can arrange that.
DeleteAre you me? This sounds vaguely like my week.
ReplyDeleteOh no!! You should share in your misery! Misery loves company, and with only a few tweaks to names and genders, anonymity will absolve you of all of your pain. Please share!!
DeleteI agree with EMH: your Dean is an idiot. What kind of dean talks to parents and legitimizes their nonsense by having the instructor present? Why do deans (let alone the president) feel they have to do that?
ReplyDeleteNotes to self: (i) the answer to "I'm the parent of a student in your class" is "FERPA/I'm terribly busy at the moment/ have a good day"[hang up], before another word is said. (In truth, I never pick up the phone unless I know who's calling. Email would go unanswered. I'll wait for the forms in my department mailbox.) (ii) No unscheduled meetings with deans or other administrators. Dean calls: phone not answered, I'm on my way out, or otherwise occupied. Please make an appointment by email.
Also, can a claim of disability X be even taken into account without paperwork from the Disability Office?
Dogs? Absolutely. I used to not like them, but my partner changed all that. We have a very bad one (failed dog manners school), but I love him. They're good company, even when they're bad.
Sounds like she needs to go get an Ed.D., since she already speaks the lingo. I tremble to think what she might do with it, but with any luck she'd simply get stuck somewhere in the ABD stage forever, and leave her children and the rest of the world alone.
ReplyDeleteAlso -- it's your job to help her child find peers in the classroom? What is this, nursery school?
^^ I have nothing to add, really, but I just really like this comment. Tying our hatred for Ed here makes complete sense, and YES when did college become OKCupid where the instructors are the algorithm?? This whole thing is upside down.
Delete"...find peers in the classroom"?? Isn't that usually done with one's eyeballs? As in, "This seat is taken, that seat is taken...oh! *there* seems to be an empty chair, which I can tell, since I used my eyeballs to find my peers in this classroom..." Sheesh. And I thought teaching *high school* is bad--I've NEVER had a parent ask me to help widdle Mikey make friends and playmates.
DeleteAt my high school, I have in fact had multiple parents request the opposite: that I PREVENT their child from interacting with peers! "My precious child talks too much and doesn't get hir work done, so please move hir to a group with people s/he doesn't know."
DeleteOne of the most uncomfortable moments I ever witnessed was when I was mediating a dispute a junior faculty member had been asked to have with a parent. I got pulled in, literally, from the hallway, and as soon as I got seated the faculty member dressed down some poor sap's mother about all the ways she wouldn't give the mother any information about the son's schoolwork. It was a snotty and discouraging display.
ReplyDeleteThen the mother pulled out the son's FERPA papers.
I had to spend a few minutes explaining what they meant to the new faculty, and you never saw a grin like the mother's.
Most educators don't understand FERPA at all.
So true.
DeleteLate to game here, but FERPA, FERPA, FERPA and documentation, documentation, documentation. Document every conversation, every exchange, every look, everything.
ReplyDeletePost. Of. The. Week. Bravo to you, sir/madam. Well played.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I like the green. It's pretty alongside of the Orange Blogger icons.