Questioning Quinton: instead of posting assignments on our LMS where they should go, QQ likes to uploads odd unrelated stuff in that slot instead. Instead of the reaction piece to an article he was supposed to have read and turned in last Tuesday (for which he earned an F because he didn't do it), today he uploaded a link to a Wikipedia document about the Mexican Revolution (we aren't studying the Mexican Revolution). In the spot where he was supposed to upload a summary, he's posted a lovely poem he wrote in the 9th grade (it says so at the top of the page). He doesn't seem to require any response, so aside from letting him know that he needs to do the work when it is due, I have ignored his posts. It's like he thinks the LMS is his personal facebook/twitter/tumblr/whatever account.
Genuflecting Janet: she's sweet, oh, so sweet. And very polite. But I have no idea what's going to emerge from her mouth at any given time, aside from an apology. Before and after each question, she apologizes and then proceeds to ask something completely out of the ballpark: "I'm so sorry, Professor Cynic. I know you're busy and you just finished explaining that point, but, I'm so sorry! Um... do you think it would be OK if I parked on the street next time instead of in the parking lot? I'm sorry." So far, of the things I can remember, she has asked about parking, about how to identify poison oak, and about what part of the brain stores dreams, about Harry Potter's wardrobe (i.e. what is the robe called?), about golf clubs (where to buy), and about amazon.com Of those questions, I could answer two. But I didn't, because none of the questions had to do with class discussion.
Iraq-serving Ira: Yes, we know you served three terms in Iraq for our country. We are grateful for your service to our country. No, you cannot get an A on the assignment you didn't do because you served three terms in Iraq. Yes, I'm sympathetic to your needs as a veteran. No, you cannot get an A on the assignment you didn't do because you served three terms in Iraq. No, I'm not unpatriotic. Yes, I will be happy to meet with you after class. No, not if you want to discuss if you can get an A on the assignment you didn't do because you served three terms in Iraq.
F is for Franny: Franny has turned in no out-of-class assignments. And yet Franny sends me emails asking for information on how to do assignments that I think are pretty self explanatory. She makes appointments to see me during office hours to talk about why she's earning an F (because she hasn't turned anything in) and then never shows up. And then she sends me more emails asking for explanations on assignments she doesn't do. For each daily assignment, she has emailed me 3-4 times asking things like "Do you want our headers on the left or the right?" and "Should I double space?" And yet she has yet to turn in a single assignment. When I've asked her in class about this behavior, she shrugs and says, "I will get on it," and then requests to come see me during office hours and never shows up. It's a sad, confusing cycle.
When describing these students to my Significant Other, what little sympathy I got was in the form of: "You know you're teaching Peter Griffins this year. Good luck with that."
And so the bafflement continues...