"I'm not texting!" he said. "I'm using my phone to cheat on the quiz."
Well now. That was unexpected.
I've come to expect peculiar behavior from frantic freshmen, but this fall I have a crop of students who keep surprising me. I expect elaborate excuses to explain absence of homework, but I'm surprised by the student who offers no excuse at all:
"I didn't do it."
"Why not?"
Shrug.
"Come on, can't you make up some implausible excuse?"
No response.
I expect students to groan and gripe the first few times I make them split up into groups, but I don't expect to still--six weeks into the semester--have to face down a football player who refuses to leave his seat to move to another part of the room with his group.
"I'm not moving," he says.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not."
No cajolery or wheedling will budge him from his spot, so finally I invite him to leave the class and be marked absent, whereupon he moves--glacially--to his group, puts his head down on the desk, and fails to engage in the group activity.
How did I end up with a room full of Bartlebys? Their disobedience isn't even civil. If they must defy me, the least they can do is be entertaining!
Off with their heads! Although I don't know think they'd be missed...
ReplyDeleteI hate those entitled lazy football player assholes. I find a call to their coach sometimes lights a fire under them. Other times, I have used brutal honesty, talking to them after class. "It's clear that you don't give the slightest shit about this class. That's fine. No one says you have to. However, keep in mind that this isn't high school, and I don't have to pass you like your high school teachers did. I can and will give you an F. This is your first and last chance to begin acting like an adult college student instead of a petulant little kid. Believe me, you will take this course again. And an F will not help your eligibility." Saying "shit" seems to get it into their heads that this is grown-up time, strangely, and using a word like "petulant" which I know he doesn't know is my way of peeing on his shoe.
ReplyDeleteOf course, this guarantees one really shitty review, two or three if his teammates are in the class.
For reasons too complicated to explain, I teach a lot of football players. Right now I'm teaching a class in which half of the students--half!--are football players. But I've never before had one act so much like a two-year-old, and moreover, his fellow football players in the class were disgusted with his behavior. Petulant indeed!
DeleteAnd thanks for giving me a helpful mental image to accompany that word!
Anyone warning that Idiocracy is the future needs to realize that it is here now. These little shits could benefit from a stint in the military. They will do wonderfully in the world of work, given the 99% chance they will never play for the NFL.
DeleteI had a student approach me five minutes before the first midterm in my Intro to Quantitative Hamsterology for Non-majors this fall and ask to be allowed a week or two of delay on taking the exam because "I'm not prepared". I boggled at him for a while and noted that I drop one exam and never give makeup tests just like it says in the syllabus, and he could take it or not.
ReplyDeleteHe took it, and he was right: he wasn't prepared.
I use a similar testing method: only the higher of the two mid-term exams counts, and no make-ups. It helps a lot with athletes and others who need to be out of town, and reduces the number of dead grandparents substantially.
DeleteThey're used to not being held accountable for anything, so there's no need to be creative anymore. What are we going to do, throw them out of the class? (Why, yes, what a fine idea!) That guy who refused to move: he'd be the first to go, and I would deeply enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious. If someone admits to academic dishonesty, one could throw the book at them, right? At least tell them this class (or maybe this test) is over for them.
My U takes very good care of the football team. They are not seen in my department's building.
I also had one outright refuse to do something. What is with that? Since when is engaging in class optional now?
ReplyDeleteThe Immovable Weight needs to meet the Irresistible Force: the campus police force. Outright refusal to do what the proffie says (within normal limits) is disruptive and violates the student conduct code at my CC. Before the next class, student gets a warning and a completed conduct form. The next time the student refuses, he is suspended from class for as long as the college allows, such as until he meets with the Dean of Meagre Consequences. Also, do call the coach.
ReplyDeleteAnd never cajole or wheedle! Even with a toddler! It sends the message that their behavior has power over you.
And here's an update: I did contact the football coach about the Immovable Weight, and guess what? He's no longer on the team. That removes one potential source of motivation to engage in class. I'm putting campus police on speed-dial!
ReplyDeleteGuess the coach found him immovable too. Let us know what happens!
DeleteBartlebys! My God, Zora, you've nailed it!!!
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time I was "lowly grad student teaching a large lecture course" and I had the star basketball player in class (this was a ranked team)...or should I say registered for the course (attendance was, ahem, weak). Long story short, an email to the academic rep for athletics resulted in the coach showing up outside my class for a week straight to ensure that the student showed up for class. It's been my experience that the great number of coaches and coaching staffs take academics very seriously. They too want the best for their students.
ReplyDeleteZora please do follow through with putting the campus police # in your phone. Maybe have a colleague hang around near your next class meeting as a witness?
ReplyDelete