The Beaker Ben
Since then, I’ve been saving gems from my conversations with these idiots.
- A student got a zero for an online homework assignment due at midnight because he turned it in at 4 am. “But professor, I started it at 11 pm. Technically, that’s before the deadline.” Go jump off a building, ok? Technically, it's not the fall which hurts you.
- When counseling a student to drop my class after getting a 40% on the first exam, he says, “I already took a class just like this in high school so I’m pretty confident in my abilities.” Thanks for the heads up. We'll stop recruiting students from there next year.
- A student denies that she fabricated her lab data because she “only moved the decimal point a couple of places." She thought it was ok because she changed all the data the same way.
- A student wants to know her midterm grade. I ask if she is in my 8 am or noon class. She pulls out her phone and says, “Um, I’m not sure. Let me check.” Sorry, time is too complicated for you. Are you sleepy or hungry in my class? And by the way, when do you finally have your class schedule memorized, November?