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| I don't think I like being in a fable. |
She was a sensible sort. Kind of quiet. Tried to help people when she could. Wore flat shoes.
Well, one day, Proffie Amelia opened her e-mail, in the second week of class. "Good news, fair Proffie!" read the missive. "I have succeeded in getting the Uni to accept my AP credit, and therefore, I will be joining your merry band of freshpersons in the next class. I trust you will catch me up. Sincerely, THE Princess."
What sort of administrative uncle would tell this damsel that it was a good idea to join the merry band at this time, Proffie Amelia wondered to herself. But she kept it to herself, for lo, Proffie Amelia did not have tenure. She sent the class notes and syllabus from the first several classes to THE Princess with due haste and deference.
THE Princess turned out to be a fairly good student for a freshflake. She completed the reading and brought to class the royal notes so as to be prepared for discussion. She did well on quizzes and short assignments.
Then she did not do so well on one. "Proffie Amelia," she queried immediately after class. "I need you to explain why I lost these points."
Respectfully, for she did not have tenure, Proffie Amelia answered how THE Princess was incorrect in her understanding of the properties of hamster fur, believing that magic could explain what science had already explained.
"I don't think I like that answer," THE Princess stated, wrinkling her tiny princess nose in a way that was so cute that one's heart might break.
Some weeks later, THE Princess lost points on a writing assignment because, sadly, her writing did not say the very thing she wished that it would say. "I'm sorry, Princess," the untenured Amelia offered. "I can only grade what you said, not what you mean to say, for, behold, I am not located inside your head while grading your royal thoughts." The tiny princess nose wrinkled again. The princess left with several maidens of the court, saying loudly "I wish Proffie Amelia were more FAIR in how she evaluates the royal work."
Later that week, all of the merry band of freshpersons had a quiz on some of the reading. THE Princess was not pleased with a question on the quiz. "That was NOT in the scrolls, Amelia!" she stormed, her tiny princess nose flaring at the nostrils. "I have taken notes, as you can PLAINLY see. It is NOT in my notes." She began shouting. "Therefore, it was NOT in the scrolls, and you are UNFAIR to expect us to know things that are not in what you have assigned."
Proffie Amelia, the untenured, watched, dumbfounded, as THE Princess led the maidens of the court out in a huff, off to begin the Fall respite. And she wondered. For, to be sure, the answer to the question WAS in the royal scrolls, in seven places. But perhaps she should drop the question, in order that THE Princess might not influence still more others to be overly critical in the very important Princess Perceptions of Professorial Prowess that form the basis of the teaching portion of the tenure evaluation.
Moral: Lack of tenure makes Amelia unethical
The only princesses you should have to deal with are those who are trademarked by Disney. Show her highness the many places in the notes where you covered the question's topic as a professional way of saying, "put a sock in it."
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm mixing posts here, but I feel like you should complain to HR about this student creating a hostile work environment.
ReplyDeleteI've wondered about that. Students behave inappropriately all the time when not in class but while still in my workplace - the halls outside my office, sidewalks on campus, etc. I understand that the university would not want to treat them like adult employees (in reality, they are neither) but my employer is still allowing this behavior to occur and it affects my work. It seems like the school would be opening itself to a lawsuit by faculty.
DeletePrincesses must learn court etiquette. Shouting at the professor merits a special scroll sent forthwith to the Office of Courtly [mis]Conduct, with THE Princess receiving a special copy of her very own at the next class, perhaps in the presence of a sturdy Undersheriff.
DeleteThis story sucks so hard. That princess is in other classes, too, forcing her inanity on other proffies. And she's at my school and everyone else's school, and far too often we don't have the latitude necessary to make her live by the class rules and not her own.
ReplyDeleteSometimes this profession makes me so crazy - well, most of the time, actually. Why am I here otherwise?
They'll use any stick to beat you with. I turn around exams in two days, and get complaints about not getting work back on time. I get complaints for too much time on example problems and too little. I used to get complaints about exam questions not being seen in lecture--though of course that was back when every exam problem came from lecture. Now exam problems come from homework, and I get complaints that exam problems don't come from homework.
ReplyDeleteThat means that before they weren't paying attention to the lectures, and now they're not doing the homework. The only way to get them to pay attention is to say, "This will be on the test," or "There's a good chance this will be on the test."
DeleteAnd to think there was once a "Doonesbury" strip in which the proffie was upset because students weren't actively listening because they were too busy taking notes.
My students aren't actively listening, and they aren't taking notes.
DeleteI know, because I don't allow textbooks in class, only notes, and when we do group work in class most students have nothing. I also let them bring in a page of notes for the exams, and they typically bring in a quarter-page.
Schedule a time to meet with them for catch-up. That alone is enough to send them screaming.
ReplyDeleteOff with their heads. Off with their heads!
ReplyDeleteWhat a shitty princess she is. I'm so sorry!
I hope Dr Amelia gives us an update in a few weeks to let us know how The Princess fared in the course.
ReplyDeleteMe too.
DeleteI, too, would enjoy an update.
ReplyDeleteI've got a variation on the princess this semester: the prince who thinks he's already almost a proffie. He is, in fact, majoring in a fairly abstruse branch of science, and appears to be good at it (or at least talks a good game; I'm in no position to judge), and he's working as an undergraduate TA. Also, he's suffered some unfortunate family and personal events this semester. It's also entirely possible that my class is pretty easy for him (I haven't really seen enough work from him yet to be sure). But his emails explaining why he wasn't in class (again) are beginning to annoy me. There's just a bit too much of an assumption of equality (and just a few too many reminders of just what a special snowflake he is. As a teacher with almost 90 students, I need him to disappear into the drift a bit more.)
I've also got a student who keeps telling me that my class is making her "sad," always prefacing her comments with "I don't want you to think I think this is your fault, but" -- which, of course, makes me suspect she thinks it *is* my fault.
ReplyDeleteI've managed to avoid saying that I don't really care if the class makes her sad, happy, or something in between, I just want her to do the tea-partying work.
"Your class makes me cry." I also managed to avoid saying I didn't care.
Delete