Thursday, November 7, 2013
Internship Misery from Conan the Grammarian.
She silently ushered me into a conference room where two faculty members were waiting, sitting as far apart from each other as possible. A stenographer was already there. My boss sat down and introduced me as her intern. I was met with a polite enough response.
Now the faculty members were a man and a woman. The woman's hair protruded at least three quarters of a foot above her head and 80 percent of her visible body was scarf. The man was dressed in a suit jacket, shirt, tie, and suit pants but everything was a different color as though he'd assembled the outfit at a rummage sale. The meeting began:
My Boss: Now, Dr. Male, you have filed a hostile work environment complaint against Dr. Female and both of you favored an HR hearing to a union hearing. Is this correct? Okay. We take these issues very seriously. Dr. Male, what are you perceiving on the part of Dr. Female that makes you uncomfortable.
Now all hell breaks loose.
Dr. Male: She's eating my lunches!
Dr. Female: That is slanderous!
*I inch away from the table*
My Boss: Now, if you'll calmly tell me why you think she is eating your lunches...
Dr. Male: We're the only two vegetarians in our department! Who else would it be?!
Before my boss can even begin to fathom a way of saying "That is horrible logic" politely...
Dr. Female: He's just trying to take me down because he knows he's not half the educator I am and that he shouldn't even be at our university.
My boss is speechless. In the space of five minutes both professors start crying, they apologize to each other, hug, and accuse us (as though I did anything) of trying to tear them apart.
This is like... something out of Alice in Wonderland ffs. Have any of you experienced such insane division over something so trivial?