Sunday, December 1, 2013

Your "Regular" Sunday Open Thread Which Allows You Just To Bark At the Fucking Moon. Go Ahead. Srsly. Let it Rip.


  1. Teaching woes: Seriously, the paper is due on Monday, you went home for the holiday, and Saturday evening you e-mail for a copy of the assignment sheet, which you should have had for three weeks. Good luck, dude.

    Advising woes:
    "Dear Graduate Admissions,
    I write in order to highly recommend. . ." no, wait. . . "I write in order to recommend. . .", ah, still not right. . . "I write in order to support Sabrina's application. . ."

    Service woes: "I have to tell you that in looking at your dossier we all think that you need to be doing much less service and working on your scholarship. Oh, by the way, can you make it to the meeting on Friday? And the senate meeting? I don't want to come into campus on my research days. Also, can we meet between your classes on Wednesday so that you can show me how to do that fucking thing on the fucking computer, again?" All tenured faculty: "You should do less service. Except when it's for me."

    Research woes: 3/10 contributors appear to understand "by the end of November".

  2. Colleague woes:
    You yelled at me when I went to explain to you how things like curriculum work. Perhaps it was because I was the FOURTH person to come and attempt to explain that arcane concept. Regardless, your not-so-apologetic email requesting that I "have patience with you" can bite me.

  3. Meeting woes:
    Eight effing hours in an overheated, airless committee room with horrible chairs, on a Friday, is Cruel and Unusual Punishment.
    Spending the first two hours repeating the talk given by the Dean at the meeting last week, with extra-illegible slides, is really not a good use of anyone's time.

    Student woes:
    No, I am not giving you more marks because you thought you only had to reference properly on the referencing quiz I gave following the two classes with referencing exercises designed to help you learn to reference properly in all your assignments for all your classes, so didn't bother on your next essay.

    I do not CARE if Dr Bloggs doesn't take marks off for graphs without axis labels or captions, or with a pretty pink curly line going through all the points. I DO. And I told you that, with a cartoon and a humorous anecdote, in class on three occasions.

    Pet woes:
    Cat, I love you, and I appreciate your need to Follow Your Instincts, but swelp me if you keep shredding the local newspaper as soon as it comes through the door, before I even get to see the headlines, I will be shutting you out in the garden or in the windowless bathroom ALL DAY whilst I'm at work. I cannot stand picking up the pieces any more.

    Radio woes:
    Love you too, most of the time, but will you SHUT UP about the approach of Christmas? I don't have the energy to deal with the countdowns yet and it's bloomin' annoying. Bah humbug!

    Head of Department Woes:
    OK, you say I have to reapply for my postponed sabbatical, but that it's a 'formality' despite the change in the rules. So will you PLEASE give me the effing forms so I can apply by the deadline (next week)? (he's redesigning them, apparently. "To make the new criteria clearer". The new criteria I don't actually meet).

  4. Thank you, thank you for cancelling that meeting on Wednesday and rescheduling it for February! I will be on your committee anytime. This last week of classes is a terrible time for meetings as I am trying to write final exams, write letters of recommendations and get my grading up to date.

  5. I am at the point now where it is not really the students who annoy me anymore. It's the administration. They are just as feckless, lazy, and self-absorbed, but without the excuse of youth. If I didn't know that it would make veins pop all over campus, I'd quietly start whispering the word "union" in the halls.

  6. Your f^&*ing syllabus is online and a paper copy of it that I handed out the first day of the semester is somewhere in your backpack. STOP EMAILING ME TO ASK F*&^ing questions about your final project, the answers to which are listed there!

    Gee! What if I don't see these questions until late tomorrow afternoon? Still within the 24 hour reply guarantee! Everything is due Tuesday-muahahahaha!

    1. I really like these free-for-all threads!

    2. Me too. As for the issue at hand, yes yes yes yes yes. Muahahahaha indeed.

  7. I teach with a tenured prof (I am just an adjunct). You are hopelessly late/last minute about everything. But if you effing tell students to meet you in your office, don't saunter in 30 minutes late after I confirmed that you were going to meet them (and that you would actually be there just an hour earlier)!!! The students are all aware that you are the problem and NOT me. I have my lectures ready and it is you that sprints into the room 5 minutes before class starts with critical changes! Only 3 more days of this crap!

  8. Vocal Vinnie woes:
    He has started to touch me each class meeting (on the arm, once on the hand). Three times now.
    1. What I think: "Get the fuck away from me, you asshole."
    3. What I want to say: "Stop touching me. That's inappropriate and you know it."
    4. What my friends advise me to do: Avoid confronting him (see below) and shield myself with file folders and quick moves for the remaining 3 days I must deal with him.

    The guy's a tightly wound smooth talker with a pregnant girlfriend and a high opinion of himself. First he made a point of praising me at an office hour just before turning on a recording device and grubbing for a point he didn't earn. (Maybe I should have named him Eddie Haskell.)

    He also repeatedly has come into my classroom after everyone has left (not on his class day), 45 minutes before my office hour (my only break in a 9-hour day) to "just ask me one question." I did answer one, and then of course he had another. After that, I became a broken record: "That's what office hours are for. If you can't make the scheduled time, please make an appointment."

    Apparently no one else sets boundaries with Vinnie, since he then strafed me in an evaluation for being arrogant and unsupportive, the worst proffie he's ever had. His other classes? All in the business program, except for one science class that (if he had passed) would have meant he didn't need mine.

    And then Vinnie failed to follow directions (printed, with an illustration) again. And then fished for which neighborhood I live in. And then came in late and delayed the class while he apologized for coming in late (touching my hand). And then asked two questions that I had explained while he was busy getting ready to sit down and take notes.

    Nothing actionable on a student conduct form. But I sure would like Frod to come visit with his stapler.

    1. I actually do know how to count.

    2. Did you know that the Wikipedia entry for Eddie Haskell includes a link on the term "sycophant" that takes you to an illustration of insincere flatterers bowing in excrement in Dante's Inferno? And thence to an interesting discussion of narcissistic supply and how narcissists perceive no boundaries between themselves and others?

      Who knew? And why didn't I catch on to Vinnie as a narcissist earlier? This lets me strategize!

    3. I think Vinnie (or his doppelganger) just graduated from our business program. He had to repeat my intro class three times before he got a passing grade. He's such a world-class suckup, though, that he'll probably do quite well for himself out there in the "real" world.

    4. Glare at him and snatch your hand away. You can even add a "No touching the professor," while you're at it. This way you can call attention to his icky (It's late, can't think of a better word) actions, and let the rest of the class in on what he's up to. Plus, you then get witnesses.

      Why is it that women are trained to be nice and quiet when boundaries are crossed? I used to be this way, too. Now I'm apt to say something-loudly. And it puts any embarrassment back on the perpetrator. Don't put up with his crap! I'm on your side. :)

    5. I'm with you, CrayonEater, and normally I would have called this guy out on the first instance. But he is so tightly wound and volatile that my instinct was to hold back. And after my reading binge about narcissism last night, I think it was the right call for this individual. Now that I've read T-shirt Prof's post for today, I'm even more sure I did the right thing.

      Because I've seen his writing. And because he lives in my city and has fished for my neighborhood in conversation. And because I have a family there.

      But I will be talking with my chair and my dean about how I can document his behavior so there's a record on campus for the future.

    6. Woah! He really IS scarey! Best of luck with him.

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