These are funny! I want one about staples. STAPLES!
"Yes, I have a stapler. However, you still don't."
If there's anything that horns me off abut STAPLES (Twitch! Twitch!), it's when a student asks me for a stapler, finds the one bolted to the table in the front of the classroom is jammed or out of staples, and expects ME to fix it. I feel like screaming, "WHY DON'T YOU STAPLE IT YOURSELF?!?!?" (Twitch! Twitch!)
Just the general attitude of "Why don't you fix things for me?" gets my goat (where does that expression even come from?). I walk into the room and the lights are off and no one flips them on. HOW HARD IS IT FOR THEM TO TURN A TEA-PARTYING LIGHT ON?!!
THAT IS MY THING, TOO. Today in fact, near pitch dark in an interior room. 14 people sitting in darkness. One day I'm just going to leave the lights off and sit among them. Tell ghost stories.
This comment thread reminds me of an occurrence 10 years ago when, upon staff unlocking a small classroom for us to enter for a lecture, I flicked the light switch and nothing happened. As I went to the front desk and pondered what to do (I was very new to the job at this point), the students filed in and sat in the dim gloom, with an expectant silence. Finally, one student piped up "How many emo students does it take to change a lightbulb?" Another student quickly replied "None. Emos just sit in the dark and dry." The students laughed. Puzzled, I asked the jokester "What's an emo?" It was my first indication that I'd very quickly already become an old fogey, given that I didn't know what an "emo" was, and all my students did. I know revel in being an old fogey - it gives me street cred so that I'm known as one of the profs that doesn't go for the usual inane snowflake bullshit.
I just looked up "emo," and it turned out not to be worth looking up.
Nothing's worth looking up; it's all pointless anyway. Oh, wait, that was Goth.