Friday, November 14, 2014

A Top Ten from Beaker Ben

It's been a while since I've done one of these.  I think I got the numbers in the right order.  The theme for this one is that each item could have been expanded into its own goofy post or screed but wasn't.  A monument to my lack of initiative and short attention span, if you will.

Whelp, here goes.  Top Ten Short, Random Thoughts

10.  Despite your assurances, I suspect there were other flights home for Thanksgiving besides the one that causes you to missed four days of class.

9.  You should not require a mandatory two-hour training session to explain how a new website replaces a paper form.  If you tell me “the new website will save everybody lots of time,” I’ll want to smack you.

8.  Although you seem dumbfounded, I think I know how two paragraphs from Wikipedia ended up in your report.

7.  If I don’t answer my door when you knock, it doesn’t mean that I’m out of the office.  I just don’t want to talk to you.

6.  Thanks to technology, I’m doing more work now because our department secretary is averse to using a computer.  (See #9.)

5.  A science colleague casually mentioned to me the other day that he is wary of vaccinating children.  I’d be less appalled if I thought there was any chance of him getting laid, much less raising kids.

4.  There are no stupid questions, just stupid people who ask questions.

3.  We should rewrite our course descriptions as clickbait.  “Intro to Chemistry: There are 118 elements.  Which one are you?”  “Medieval History: The Roman Empire declines.  You won’t believe what happened next!”

2.  An email, supposedly sent by your mother, does not count as documentation of your illness.

1.  Calls from the football coach are never good.  “I just wanted to commend you on providing our team such a rigorous education.” – nope, not going to happen.


  1. An alternate #7:
    If I don't answer my door when you knock, it doesn't mean that you should try to open it anyway.

  2. I am waiting to hear #10 a lot next week...We have class Monday & Tuesday of Thanksgiving!

  3. Great post, Ben. Always a winner.

    But this always cracks me up. Days with nothing but linked articles, and then on one day 6 pieces. I think it's always been a problem. But that's just my 2 pennies.

    1. No kidding. Every day I see linked articles, I think about writing something. It takes me a couple of days to figure out what to write. Maybe everybody is thinking the same thing.

      One positive aspect of that scenario is that every day that I don't see a post by you, I think, "Oh, good. Hiram's not confused today. Lucky him."

  4. Replies
    1. 2 thoughts:
      Biology profs would do well with this one.
      A "clickbait competition" would seem to be in order.
      Sucky attempts to popularize a real or imaginary course.
      (but at my place, the faculty development people have been doing this for years)