Thursday, November 20, 2014

The Professional Development Handout

I will have to give you guys a more detailed update on my status, but I've decided that I won't be teaching community college anymore, at least not any time soon.  I've taken to the private sector, where I get more respect, get paid about as much, and I am able to sever ties with people who waste my time.

There are times when I feel guilty about that.  But then, I'm quickly reminded of how things used to be.

Such guilt occurred today until I stumbled upon this professional development handout from Portland Community College.  Don't get me wrong.  Some of the ideas are good.  But there are Easter eggs.  Can you find them?

Here's the link:  http://www.pcc.edu/resources/academic/retention/StudentScenarios.html

No further comment.

19 comments:

  1. Surely the answers were submitted anonymously.
    Sarcasm doesn't translate well into written form. But if response #7 to "Bill" wasn't sarcasm, "Portlandia" isn't satire; it's a documentary.

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    Replies
    1. Yep. Another little piece of my soul died when I read that one. (Well that, and I threw up in my mouth).

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  2. Anytime I hear the word "facilitate," I reach for my revolver.

    (OK, so the paraphrase should be: "Anytime I head the word 'facilitate,' I slip the safety catch on my Browning.")

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  3. The teaching tips are even better:
    http://www.pcc.edu/resources/academic/retention/TeachingTips.html

    10. Remember: Students are people, too.
    23. Speak personally to each student as often as possible about a non-course related subject.

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    1. This is what's considered *adult* education nowadays? Oh, yuck!

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    2. Must be, because if you did this to kids, you'd get sued:
      Break out the candy if your students look lethargic.

      There's no sheep-shagging, but if you like pigs:
      Outline the class agenda on the boar.

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    3. > 10. Remember: Students are people, too.

      They are NOT! Have you ever EATEN with one?!?

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  4. Replies
    1. > There are times when I feel guilty about that.
      > But then, I'm quickly reminded of how things used to be.

      After many years of underemployment and chronic anxiety as a postdoc, when I finally got a teaching job, I got a twinge of survivor's guilt. After more years as an Accursed Visiting Assistant Professor, when I finally got a tenure-track job, I also got a twinge of survivor's guilt. Both times, the twinges went away quickly since academia had no trouble springing fresh abominations on me. Congrats on your new job, EMH!

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  5. it seems to me the answer to many of them is "I would do nothing" (or at least nothing more than I have already done)

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    1. Me, too, and not only because I only have so much time to spend on any one student, and it seems reasonable to spend any extra time with students who are at least meeting me half way (which description admittedly does apply to some of the students described; those, I'd be more likely to respond to).

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  6. I wish I hadn't opened that link and read that nightmare.

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  7. I'm really hoping that those answers are the results of brainstorming with a particularly wet-behind-the-ears bunch of apprentice teachers/counselors (and that there was an adult present to talk about boundaries, and being realistic about the limits of one's power to influence others' lives -- which is very different from not caring; in fact, it's a pretty good way of caring without burning out).

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  8. I'll bet that the person (people) who put these guides together got a lot of credit from putting this on their activity report. I sure hope that our administration doesn't see this.

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  9. "and that there was an adult present to talk about boundaries"

    Ha Ha Cassandra - you crack me up!

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  10. The answers appear to have been taken from a multiple-choice test, thus they range from 'correct' to 'plausible at first glance, but not quite correct', down to 'no' and finally 'oh HELL no'.

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