Thursday, November 13, 2014

Mid-class bathroom breaks land students in the poo. Student Hilarity From Rhode Island. Why Can't I Get This Kid in My Writing Class?

I Just Shit in My Flask.
If you’re looking to pass this semester, you may need to hold it. In accordance with the new Classroom Requirements of Accepted Protocol policy, Rhode Island College students are now forbidden to use the restroom during class periods. The CRAP policy went into last Wednesday and was met with immediate student outrage.

“Do you believe this CRAP,” asked senior English major, Tom Dunn. “I mean, I nearly soiled my britches all because a few uptight professors can’t get going without some prune juice? What a crock!”

What’s more, the CRAP policy doesn’t just mean students aren’t allowed to leave the classroom for a much-needed bathroom break; the restrooms on campus will now be monitored via card swipe. If students would like to visit the restrooms in Craig Lee, for instance, they must swipe their student ID cards; if they’re supposed to be in class at the time of the swipe, the door will not open.

The rest.


  1. Flask or beaker? I'm afraid I don't know. And I don't want to look any harder at the graphic than I already have!!!

  2. It's a flask. I'm glad that nobody is shitting on the beaker. I would take that personally.

  3. Um, this is a joke, right? This shit can't be real.

    1. From the article:

      The steamed mob cheered, but the mood swung when a random student shouted.

      “This new policy is shit!”

      The commissar was quick to address the potty-mouthed student.

      “Sir, I shan’t have such filth spoken in my chambers,” said Brady. “We go out of our way to speak without expletives—I’d appreciate if you would do the same.”

    2. OK, I'd just read the rest of the linked article, and your comment touched off an association. The by-line is "Joe King–Mediocre Investigative Journalist". The most subtle line in the piece (perhaps unintendedly so):

      "According to CRAP policy co-writer and professor of English, Katerina Knickyknack, the new policy addresses her needs of firm control."

  4. We have a number of CRAP policies here. None of them have anything to do with bathroom breaks.