Monday, March 30, 2015

Consider This . . .

Daryl, consider this: if you need me to add the three different scores you got on three different tests, then divide the result by the total number of points, then multiple that result by one hundred, then assign the resulting percentage to a grade . . . you should consider dropping out of college and getting some remediation.  I know it's sad that you were allowed to get a high school diploma without being able to do very, very basic math.  But that is a skill that you lack, and it is now your responsibility, as a grown man, to fix that lack before you hurt someone.  Please also drop out of pre-med, forever.  I might get sick some day.  Major in communication.  It's safer.

Susie, consider this: if you can't read the syllabus and figure out from the statement "I do not allow late papers" that I don't allow late papers, and deduce from "I only accept electronic submissions" that I don't allow hard copy submissions, then perhaps you are receiving an F in my course for very, very obvious reasons.  Consider dropping the course.  It's not yet too late.  But it will be soon, oh, yes, very soon.  But I don't imagine you can read the academic calendar, since you can't read the syllabus.

Tina, consider this:  when I tell you "this paper needs to address the materials of the course" do not resubmit it with a six word quotation from one of the authors we read in class, in the middle of an otherwise unchanged paragraph, apropos of nothing.  Yes, I gave you a D.  I am kind.  Consider doing the actual readings for the course instead of trying to coast by.


  1. I'd run Tina's paper through the nearest plagiarism checker. Irrelevance to the assignment is often a red flag for plagiarism. Of course, it's also possible that she wrote the paper for another class (which is also unacceptable, at least at my institution, but is harder to detect).

    1. Yeah, my thought too. But no, it was original, just very evident that she hadn't read anything. Maybe ever.

    2. I assumed you had; it's an obvious red flag to any proffie with more than a semester or two's experience in the classroom. But it may be becoming less so, because the "throw something at the professor and see if (s)he gives at least partial credit" technique seems to be becoming more common.

  2. Please do not direct Daryl to communications. If he should make it to the hospital floor, he might kill two, three people, tops, before he is found out and cast into the night where there is wailing and gnashing of teeth. If he gets anywhere near a video camera, he could lead to brain deaths numbering in the thousands, if not millions, at which point he will be promoted. Please. Think of the children. Won't anyone think of the children?

  3. It's the most wonderful tiiiiiiime of the semester....