Student: Hey, can you give me and my friend a ride?
Me (I am a professor and a department chair, pretty well known on this small-ish campus): Do I know you?
Student (drooling a little): Can you give me and my friend a ride?
(The other student continues to walk away, happily eating his takeout food and ignoring the ongoing scene with his friend.)
Me: Where are you going?
Student: Just down the street (points).
Me: Are you a student here?
Student: Uh ... yeah. I'm a Communications major.
(Note, this is not my department)
Me (doors locked, window still rolled up, no way in hell is he getting into my car): OK, who are your professors?
Student (as the light bulb slowly turns on): Uh ....
Me: Come on - name one of your profs.
Student: Uhhhh ... I can't.
Me: Well, then I'm sorry, but I have a rule. I don't give rides to people I don't know.
Student: Uh ... OK! (runs / stumbles away).
And then yesterday, I found two empty cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer in one of my classrooms. They were tucked behind an overhead projector, and I discovered them while I was sitting at the desk proctoring an exam. I have no idea how long they had been sitting there. The students taking the exam were amused. But, that's a story for another day …