Thursday, April 2, 2015
The Fuck You Post
Well Fuck You.
And while I'm busy handing out the Fuck You's, here's a few more:
To Little Snowy the underflake: You're upset that you scored a C- on the midterm, even though you simply failed to answer the last question (worth 20% of the total grade)? Well Fuck You (and please invest in a calculator).
To Big Snowy the Grad-avalanche: My comments on your chapter make you want to change careers? You think I should be "a little more generous and a little less perfectionist?" Well Fuck You (and get a backbone for fuck's sake).
To Unicorn the Junior Colleague: You don't have the time or patience to do any undergrad advising? You think that your time is better spent on the grads? Well Fuck You (and here's a list of my undergrad advisees for you to contemplate).
To T-Rex the senior colleague: You think that Fifty Shades of Grey is a how-to-manual for relating to the junior faculty? Well Fuck You (and not in the fun way).
To the colleague from another department who showed up, completely out of the blue at the University Committee I'm on: You aren't on the committee, and you haven't actually done any of the work we did, but you still want to come in here and tell us what we should decide? Well Fuck You (and if you want to make these decisions so badly here's my spot on the committee. Please to fucking enjoy).
To Dean Dumbass: You do realize that when you say that all vacated tenure-stream positions in the department will be replaced with new tenure-stream hires that some of us are able to do basic addition and subtraction right? Well Fuck You (preferably with a copy of the salary schedule for the vast army of administrators the university employs).
To the Physical Plant Peckerhead who keeps sending me hate mail: You are angry that I am not obeying your instructions to stop setting snap traps in my office? Yes, I get that the building is really fucking old and that we do live in a modern urban vermin environment. But did you see the size of the mouse I caught this morning? Well Fuck You (with a really big snap trap).