Compose a playlet using the episode titles as one half of the conversation, while providing responses for the other party. Episode titles must be used in order, as either the snowflake or the proffie's lines.
Scene: The proffie is gathering materials in an otherwise empty classroom. Enter the work-study student.
Hi. Um, I'm from IT? I'm here to pick up the broken projector.
* Take anything you want.
Um, I was only told about the projector? If there's something else that's broken, you'll have to call in another work order...
* Spare me my life!
Tell me about it. I used to have a life too. I had a tech start-up, but then one of the partners cleaned out our account and...
* I was robbed by two men.
You like one-upping? OK, I was robbed by THREE men!
* Call an ambulance please.
You have fingers and there's the phone. I'm not your damn secretary.
* I have a bad case of diarrhea.
Uh, OK. TMI much?
* I feel feverish and sluggish.
Well, your face is making me sick, so we're even.
* I am allergic to penicillin.
Since we're sharing here, I'm allergic to dogs, plus I'm intolerant to lactose and I just had half a quatro formaggi pizza, so you might want to help me unhook these cables so I can get out of here faster.
* Is there anyone who speaks Japanese?
Nah, we don't need to read the labels. The jacks and cables are all color-coded.
* How many of these should I take?
Just unhook them all.
* Will my insurance cover today?
Oh, you won't be charged for this. It's all under a service contract.
* Unbelievable! It's amazing! We did it!
Yeah, no big deal, but it's a bit harder to plug them back in.
* Is that so? Really? Are you sure?
Yeah, I do this all the time.
* Never mind.
OK, so if you'll just hold the cart steady, I can...
* The climax scene really got to me!
What kind of movies do you show on this thing? I'll tap into the feed next time.
* How dare you say such a thing to me!
It's better that you know. IT can listen in on any of the stuff going though the university's wires.
* You drive me crazy!
Heh, you wouldn't believe some of the shit we've seen. We have a YouTube channel we put the better stuff on.
* Don't make fun of me.
Well, if you didn't do any of that crazy shit, you've got nothing to worry about, do you.
* It's your fault that this happened.
Actually, no. This is the first time I've touched this projector. Sometimes they just go on the blink.
* Leave me alone!
I'll be out of here soon. I just need you to sign this receipt.
* I can't stand the sight of you.
So I like tats and piercings. I'll let you know when I begin to care what you think of my looks.
* Hasta la vista, baby.
Adios muchacho to you, too.
* Let's go Dutch!
[Whereupon Dutch arises and ambles off at the heels of his master.]
The year is 2021. President Scott Walker has signed into law the Abundant Student Satisfaction act, under which all proffies have been tagged and chipped. Blackholeboard is now a sentient being, and students can interface with their teachers’ brains, directly, at any time. This arrangement lasts until the student graduates, or receives the grade (s)he feels (s)he deserves, whichever is sooner. Prof. Charlie is a grizzled veteran, who had many years of experience before the “great tagging”. At 3.27 am he gets a “satisfaction alert”, a small electric shock, letting him know that he has an opportunity to provide an abundance of satisfaction to a student.
Hello, student. How may I be of service today?
Oh, hey Charlie. It’s about your final exam in hamster weaving. Student Services didn’t give me the answers ahead of time. You know our uni’s motto: Take anything you want.
Indeed I do.
Anyway, I need another favor. Spare me my life, and let me skip the final itself, willya?
For what reason?
I was robbed by two men.
I see.
Hey, while you’re there and not doing anything, call an ambulance please.
What? You’ve just this moment been robbed?
Oh, no. That was 2 months ago. I have a bad case of diarrhea.
That’s not on the list of options I’m getting from the chip.
Oooh-kay. I'm trying to figure out whom you would need to tell that (a doctor, a pharmacist; fair enough. The 911 operator? I'm not so sure.)
ReplyDeleteWell, of course you'd need to tell that to any helpful Mormon elder from Austria who happened to be at your bus stop. Silly.
DeleteThe labels had been turned off in an attempt to ruin the page. We've turned them back on to ruin the page.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'm doing my part to ruin it, too.
DeleteHeck, this dance beats "The Macarena" hands down.
ReplyDelete"It's a pelvic thru-ust that'll drive you insa-a-a-a-a-ane."
ReplyDeleteIt's just a jump to the left!
DeleteAnd then you step to the right!
Put your hands on your hips!
And bend your knees in tight!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zuiikin%27_English
ReplyDeleteexplains the show a bit.
The episode called "The climax scene really got to me" sounds like a must watch.
New Challenge:
DeleteCompose a playlet using the episode titles as one half of the conversation, while providing responses for the other party. Episode titles must be used in order, as either the snowflake or the proffie's lines.
Neatness counts.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteScene: The proffie is gathering materials in an otherwise empty classroom. Enter the work-study student.
ReplyDeleteHi. Um, I'm from IT? I'm here to pick up the broken projector.
* Take anything you want.
Um, I was only told about the projector? If there's something else that's broken, you'll have to call in another work order...
* Spare me my life!
Tell me about it. I used to have a life too. I had a tech start-up, but then one of the partners cleaned out our account and...
* I was robbed by two men.
You like one-upping? OK, I was robbed by THREE men!
* Call an ambulance please.
You have fingers and there's the phone. I'm not your damn secretary.
* I have a bad case of diarrhea.
Uh, OK. TMI much?
* I feel feverish and sluggish.
Well, your face is making me sick, so we're even.
* I am allergic to penicillin.
Since we're sharing here, I'm allergic to dogs, plus I'm intolerant to lactose and I just had half a quatro formaggi pizza, so you might want to help me unhook these cables so I can get out of here faster.
* Is there anyone who speaks Japanese?
Nah, we don't need to read the labels. The jacks and cables are all color-coded.
* How many of these should I take?
Just unhook them all.
* Will my insurance cover today?
Oh, you won't be charged for this. It's all under a service contract.
* Unbelievable! It's amazing! We did it!
Yeah, no big deal, but it's a bit harder to plug them back in.
* Is that so? Really? Are you sure?
Yeah, I do this all the time.
* Never mind.
OK, so if you'll just hold the cart steady, I can...
* The climax scene really got to me!
What kind of movies do you show on this thing? I'll tap into the feed next time.
* How dare you say such a thing to me!
It's better that you know. IT can listen in on any of the stuff going though the university's wires.
* You drive me crazy!
Heh, you wouldn't believe some of the shit we've seen. We have a YouTube channel we put the better stuff on.
* Don't make fun of me.
Well, if you didn't do any of that crazy shit, you've got nothing to worry about, do you.
* It's your fault that this happened.
Actually, no. This is the first time I've touched this projector. Sometimes they just go on the blink.
* Leave me alone!
I'll be out of here soon. I just need you to sign this receipt.
* I can't stand the sight of you.
So I like tats and piercings. I'll let you know when I begin to care what you think of my looks.
* Hasta la vista, baby.
Adios muchacho to you, too.
* Let's go Dutch!
[Whereupon Dutch arises and ambles off at the heels of his master.]
The year is 2021. President Scott Walker has signed into law the Abundant Student Satisfaction act, under which all proffies have been tagged and chipped. Blackholeboard is now a sentient being, and students can interface with their teachers’ brains, directly, at any time. This arrangement lasts until the student graduates, or receives the grade (s)he feels (s)he deserves, whichever is sooner.
DeleteProf. Charlie is a grizzled veteran, who had many years of experience before the “great tagging”.
At 3.27 am he gets a “satisfaction alert”, a small electric shock, letting him know that he has an opportunity to provide an abundance of satisfaction to a student.
Hello, student. How may I be of service today?
Oh, hey Charlie. It’s about your final exam in hamster weaving. Student Services didn’t give me the answers ahead of time. You know our uni’s motto: Take anything you want.
Indeed I do.
Anyway, I need another favor. Spare me my life, and let me skip the final itself, willya?
For what reason?
I was robbed by two men.
I see.
Hey, while you’re there and not doing anything, call an ambulance please.
What? You’ve just this moment been robbed?
Oh, no. That was 2 months ago. I have a bad case of diarrhea.
That’s not on the list of options I’m getting from the chip.
I feel feverish and sluggish?
Blogger ate (much of) my comment:
ReplyDeletea. I demand partial credit, and
b. Charlie woke up and it was all a dream.
Aw, fuck. I was really getting into it. Partial credit my ass. The setup alone merits A++.
DeleteThe sequel can feature that douche Sen. Mark Chelgren from Iowa.