Wednesday, August 12, 2015

A Longtime Reader Sends This In.

A drunk student emails his Professor to request a deadline extension on a paper, but also comments on his baldness and offers to find a partner for him to apparently, regain his hair.

The Professor's response is perfect.


  1. Hah! Well played. I suspect the "girl" might be some sort of hair-plug purveyor, not a possible date/mate (it's ambiguous, especially given the multiple meanings of both "hook you up" and "bangin,"), but the professor's reply covers all possibilities, which works well.

    I also, of course, like the last paragraph, though I suspect that's the only one that would not pass muster at some institutions (well, I suppose the mention of not being paid enough might raise concerns for some really-over-particular admins). I'm pretty sure, however, that most administrators with any sense of humor (and rhetorical context) would see if as a pretty effective reply. The idea of suggesting an anti-drunk-texting app (from another reply to an email sent in a similar situation) also seems like a reasonable one (though I suppose it might come back to haunt one if the student were in some other sort of altered condition, perhaps one caused by a medical problem; still, the solution would work).

    The detail I like most about the student's email: his full name, perfectly and completely spelled out, at the bottom. I assume it's a signature file, since my students rarely remember to include their full names when they email in similar circumstances. Still, it stands out like an immaculate cummerbund wrapped 'round the junction of a particularly ratty t-shirt and jeans.

    1. So many questions!

      Is this the student's real name? Did he give permission for the prof to post his text, or is Canada some anarchist utopia of professorial license? And did that student really get an extended deadline?

      The "immaculate cummerbund" image is hilarious.

  2. Hey! He wrote 'motherfucker," or a credible variant of it! That's one of the seven words you can't say on television! That's grounds for punishment for sexual harassment!!!