- Yell at him. I haven't yelled at any of my grad students before, so that would have an impact, I expect.
- Dismiss him from my group. It wouldn't be a big loss but it could sully my reputation as a kind, supportive graduate mentor.
- Turn him in for academic dishonesty. I'm not sure this charge would stick since he's only writing a draft, not the final document. Kicking him out of the program wouldn't bring tears to my eyes but it could be a big hassle of paperwork.
- Dissolve him in hydrofluoric acid. Now I'm getting creative. This would require some extra chemical waste containers, for sure.
- Take him out for a drive south of the compound to see the gators. Of course we'd get close, very close, so that he could see the native Florida wildlife up close. If, by chance, he slipped into the swamp, I would try my best to save him, I swear I would. And nobody would cry more than me at his funeral.
- Beaker Ben