Friday, September 16, 2016

University Title Generator, posted by (but not programmed by) Froderick Frankenstien from Fresno

All university administrators with titles that are six or more words long should be subject to a comprehensive review. It's easy to see what a "Professor of Physics" does, since that's only three words. Does anyone know what an "Associate Assistant Executive for Investor Technology" does? Does even the Associate Assistant Executive for Investor Technology know?

For even more such rubbish, see here:

http://universitytitlegenerator.com/



- Froderick Frankenstien from Fresno

14 comments:

  1. Love the link, but some of the salaries are lower than mine, thus it lacks verisimilitude.

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    Replies
    1. Just popping in to let you know that I'm still reading everything and still getting a lot of joy from your comments, friend.

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    2. Cool. What's your randomly generated title?

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    3. Hi,Conan! I think he has a title, OPH, it's "the Grammarian." Makes more sense than most of the others mentioned here. Maybe not as clear as "webmaster" (see Patty's comment, below) in terms of describing job duties, but it's a title, or at least an epithet.

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    4. My first title randomly generated by the linked page was "Principal Associate Chancellor of Internal Compliance for the Committee on Neighborhood Communications." I forget the salary.

      I clicked the box at the bottom of several more times and didn't get anything involving Grammarian, but I did note that an occasional REAL title would come up, such as President of Auburn U at >$2M and head coach at UCLA for which I made a point of not looking at the salary.

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  2. I'm a staff member, not an administrator, but I hate my stupid bloated title. It used to be "webmaster" which everyone understands. No further explanation necessary. Short and easy to state in meetings. Now it's this stupid "Associate Director, Blah De Blah" that no one understands. Also I have to use the comma. I can't say I am "Associate Director OF Blah De Blah" as that is considered a higher rank than the mere comma. The stupidest part is that there is no Director, and no Assistant Director. Just me. Assistant TO the Regional Manager.

    They have to do this to all staff members in order to give them raises, as they are not allowed to grant a raise for the same position, so simple, easy-to-understand titles such as "Program Coordinator" or "Social Media Manager" get bloated out after a few years to these lengthy, stupid, comma-laden titles that no one understands.

    I was even forced to remove "webmaster" from my voice mail message. I can't really complain too much, as it was the only way to give me my only real raise in 14 years of employment, since the university won't allow a raise for someone whose title is the same. Even if you were hired 30 years ago and deserve a raise, they won't permit it unless your title is changed.

    https://www.glassdoor.com/Salary/Dunder-Mifflin-Assistant-to-the-Regional-Manager-Salaries-E254205_D_KO15,48.htm

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  3. I'm a staff member, not an administrator, but I hate my stupid bloated title. It used to be "webmaster" which everyone understands. No further explanation necessary. Short and easy to state in meetings. Now it's this stupid "Associate Director, Blah De Blah" that no one understands. Also I have to use the comma. I can't say I am "Associate Director OF Blah De Blah" as that is considered a higher rank than the mere comma. The stupidest part is that there is no Director, and no Assistant Director. Just me. Assistant TO the Regional Manager.

    They have to do this to all staff members in order to give them raises, as they are not allowed to grant a raise for the same position, so simple, easy-to-understand titles such as "Program Coordinator" or "Social Media Manager" get bloated out after a few years to these lengthy, stupid, comma-laden titles that no one understands.

    I was even forced to remove "webmaster" from my voice mail message. I can't really complain too much, as it was the only way to give me my only real raise in 14 years of employment, since the university won't allow a raise for someone whose title is the same. Even if you were hired 30 years ago and deserve a raise, they won't permit it unless your title is changed.

    https://www.glassdoor.com/Salary/Dunder-Mifflin-Assistant-to-the-Regional-Manager-Salaries-E254205_D_KO15,48.htm

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    Replies
    1. It's like we live in a real life "Office Space." I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead and change your voicemail greeting.

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  4. Associate President of the Task Force on Neighborhood Partnerships. Estimated salary: $256,725. Sounds like a fraction of my current job at much higher pay. I'll take it!

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  5. One that just popped out was:

    President of Pennsylvania State University

    Estimated salary: $2,906,721

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  6. Well, there's mine: [Word which means non-tenure-track] Associate Professor. There are actually nontenured Associate Professors at my undergrad institution, because it's one of those places where almost no one gets tenure (the tenured professors are mostly hired away from other institutions), but almost everyone lands on their feet in a tenured position elsewhere after a painful year or two. But almost everywhere else non-tenure-track + Associate = an oxymoron, and it still strikes me as one.

    However, it took me 5 years longer than I originally expected to get to this point, and it does come with a higher minimum salary (which was considerably above the salary I had before promotion), so I'll take it (and pursue the title of NTT Full Professor when that becomes an option). The titles also assuage, just slightly, the feeling of being perpetually being stuck at the kids' table, despite being both middle-aged and mid-career. The latter makes me feel like a bit of a sucker, though.

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  7. This generator great helped him when i make a site thanks for share it best terms and conditions generator .

    ReplyDelete