The only electronic equipment you are allowed to use in here is a hearing aid. No cell phones. No laptops. No personal electronic organizers. And no, you can’t record this class.
Don’t leave your seat, please. No, I don’t care who’s calling you, or how badly you need a smoke. Keep your ass in your fucking seat. And take your leak before you sit down. If you get up and leave the classroom, you’ll be marked absent.
Now, if you’re pregnant or you have one of those bladder conditions like those poor women have on television, show me your doctor’s note and sit by the door. Otherwise, hold it.
Are you sleepy? Go ahead. Put your head on your desk. Or fall asleep entirely. Another absence for you. Having a nice time chatting with your little friend? Shut the fuck up. And here’s another absence.
If all you learn from this class is that you can sit still for 75 minutes without napping, facebooking, internet messaging, talking to your bff, or having to go potty, I will have done my job.
Now, who wants to talk about Beowulf? No one?
Too fucking bad.