Thursday, October 14, 2010

Smack-A-Mole (Exam Return Edition)

Simpering Susie: I do not know how you got a 102 on your exam. I suspected you did it by studying, but you told me in no uncertain terms that you did not study. I offered to lower your grade to some arbitrary and mutually agreed-upon figure. You declined. I am left with the option that you cheated...and you expected to cheat less successfully. Is that what you did, Simpering? Because one way or another, TELLING AN INSTRUCTOR that you didn't study is generally a bad plan.

Bitches in the Back: Boy, I'm really sorry that my lecture doesn't interest you. In fact, if it's so boring, why don't you just skip it? I have no idea how you manage to take notes and talk that much at the same time. No idea. But it annoys the fuck out of me. I find it especially awkward when I yell up to you "Hey! Ladies! What's new up there?" and you don't even have the good grace to be embarrassed.

Annoying Tangent Boy: STFU. And stop picking your nose, because I can SEE YOU DO IT.

Wits in the Wings: You ladies are clearly pretty smart. But, you, like Bitches in the Back and Annoying Tangent Boy, need to STFU. I am amazed at your ability to ignore my fisheye AND the fisheye of your classmates AND my SPEAKING TO YOU AFTER CLASS. I had hoped to avoid the "ultimatum" stage of "shut the fuck up or get thrown out of my class" but we have, indeed, escalated to Defcon 2. Don't make me go to Defcon 1, bitches. Don't...because you do not need to see how I get when I think my precious bodily essences are being sapped by the Rooskies/people who talk too much in class.


  1. Smackdown and Dr. Strangelove, BlackDog you just made my day.

  2. I think we have to find a way to just say no to the bullshit, all of it, all of the disrespect, the laziness, etc.

    If we aren't kicking the talkers out and flunking the cheaters, then we're part of the problem. But how many of us would get support from the college?

  3. I'll thrown in with ELS on this. I, for one, don't think I'd get much support from the powers that be if I were to really take on some of these students.

    And that's the biggest and worst difference from when I was an undergrad.

    I used to be terrified of doing poorly in my college classes. Everyone I knew was the same. I don't have a SINGLE student like that anymore.

    They're terrified they might miss Jimmy Kimmel.

  4. I think that in the back of my mind, the notion of kicking them out does frighten me because I worry about repercussions, mainly b/c I am a semester-to-semester hire at this particular institution. Granted, they view me as a renewable resource because I need the money and am a bit geographically fixed at the moment. However, to extend that metaphor...if your wind turbine kills a shit-ton of birds and local birders complain and threaten to...oh...take tax dollars're going to take down that turbine. I am the turbine. (Apparently they do kill a lot of birds. Who knew?)


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