miss m dis cap ... i cant stop vomitting i have alot of flu symptoms and i have given all of my assighnments for each class to my roommate to give to my teachers i will be in class asap thanks
...and now in English.
This is Caprelli.
I am making up another bullshit excuse for why I am not in class.
I am turning in my paper late, via my roommate/henchman, even though you and I have already discussed the fact that you don't accept late work and I will fail if I miss another paper.
I also realize that your attendance policy, which is in line with the school's recommended guidelines for attendance policies, specifies that I will fail the class on the sixth absence. Yes, this is my eighth absence. I realize that you gave me a second chance on my seventh absence because of a legitimate emergency which I was able to prove to you that I didn't make up, after all of those other supposed emergencies that I did make up. I remember agreeing when you said you wouldn't take any excuses for further absences, including hospitalization, but I think you are a pushover so I'm going to test you anyway.
I mean, why not, since I'll probably end up failing. After all, this is a writing class but I still haven't figured out that "miss m dis cap" is not an appropriate response to the rhetorical situation at hand, and even if I had figured that out, I wouldn't be able to write an appropriate sentence anyway.