Today I recieved an email from a student asking for an extension because they were on a cruise and internet on said cruise is apparently very expensive. I wouldn't know because I am not on a cruise, I am teaching this class with this little a-hole.
Responses? Be creative.
Watch out for that iceberg, you little prick.
ReplyDeleteOR
Hope you don't get diarrhea.
You know, I've been thinking about this.
ReplyDeleteMy sister works on a cruise. She has invited me countless times to come visit her. But because I teach online, I can never, ever, ever be more than 48 hours without internet access. No breaks. No summer.
If you teach at an online university, and your student had every reason to think that, hey, maybe I can do this from the boat, only to be disappointed, then give them an extension with a slight penalty (like 10%).
If it's a part f2f class part online class, tell him very politely to fuck off.
Just like you can't afford a car that you can't afford to insure... you can't afford a cruise during the semester if you can't afford to pay for the internet service provided on board. You bought the ticket knowing school was on. You can make whatever choices you want in life, but they create constraints on the choices that come later. Pay for the internet service, skip the cruise, or accept the consequence to your grade. I didn't put this ship in motion, you did.
ReplyDeleteBut obviously, you can't say that or your chair will kill you or a dean will share tissues with the whiner when she comes back crying.
Well, Cruiser can hand it in early, can't she? Or she only needs the Internet to hand it in, she can write it on her little pink laptop in her cabin. Oh right, the paper mills are only available online.
ReplyDeleteWombat's got it right, but not every dean hands out tissues. I won't.
Instead of sending me emails, send me your fucking paper.
ReplyDeleteWATCH OUT FOR THAT ICEBERG...Terry P gave me the laugh of the day.
The syllabus for my online class explicitly requires that students have both reliable internet access and a backup plan that, barring major storms or other disruptions, can be implemented within a few hours should the main connection fail. That holds true wherever the student chooses to be during the semester. So I think I could answer with some polite version of "wherever you are, you're still responsible for logging on and completing class work." What I'd want to say (but wouldn't) is "tell whoever paid for the cruise to pony up for a few hours of that expensive internet access; otherwise you're both wasting even more in tuition." I'd bet the student (or family member) spent more on drinks or some cheesy souvenir than the internet access would have cost. But of course the cost isn't the real issue; the student just didn't want to work on vacation (reasonably enough, but that's why it works better to schedule vacations during vacation time).
ReplyDeleteA colleague of mine was told by a student that he missed an exam because he was having lunch at the best restaurant in town. My colleague said,
ReplyDelete"Well, I hope it was a good lunch!!"
Dear Cruiser,
ReplyDeleteI'm certain that your family is paying more for this cruise than I earn in a semester. Surely they can cough up the internet fees.
Love,
Professor andToad
Wow, just wow. Every time I teach summer, I get this student and it never ceases to take my breath away just at how irresponsible this is.
ReplyDeleteBe prepared for an entitled little shit who throws a fit when you break the bad news to him/her. They've probably made up their mind that they somehow "deserved" this cruise and that you are just ruining their fun.
Students like this drive me to self-medicate.
Dear Breathtakingly Self-Involved Student:
ReplyDelete"Are you fucking kidding me?"
Bad Teacher Trailer
I'm thinking of getting a stamp made.
Aargh. I had a first-year grad student last year who sent a collective e-mail to all her profs during her first week in the program announcing that she and her hubby were spending the next two weeks on a belated honeymoon cruise--because "there weren't any major projects due" right then. Oh yes, no internet connection, either, so no access to our WebCT page and forthcoming assignments.
ReplyDeleteShe never quite caught up with everything she missed when she got back, nor did she try. Then she slapped me with an official grievance for daring to give her a C. Bitch.
Earlier this semester, I had a student appear in class a couple of days after an exam and matter-of-factly announce that she was ready to take the exam.
ReplyDeleteI gave her a puzzled look and said, "Um... what?"
She replied, "Well, I missed the test."
Me: "Uh-huh.... And...."
Her: "So I need to take it."
Me: "But the exam was two days ago. You missed it. You weren't here."
Her: "Oh, I was sick."
Me: "You don't look sick at all. You look splendid... vibrant, even."
Her: "But I was sick."
Me: "You don't have a doctor's note. You didn't email me or call or anything. And you look quite healthy...."
Her: "I was sick."
At that point, I pulled a gun out of my pocket and contemplated blowing my brains out. In order to build the suspense, I'm not going to say whether or not I pulled the trigger. But while I was considering pulling the trigger, I was thinking back to my undergrad days--when I would have at least pretended to be sick if I had pulled shit like that.
No letter of recommendation for that snowflake. Ever. Unless she gives me a really nice bribe.
My response: "no"
ReplyDeleteSure you can have an extension. My "rate" for extensions is 10% per calendar day (the standard penalty for late work according to the syllabus). It's up to you whether the price of the internet access or the price of the tardiness is more affordable.
ReplyDeleteBubba - did you let her take the exam? Inquiring minds ...
ReplyDelete@Merely: I did. But I haven't graded it. I keep dragging my feet. The entitled snowfuckflaketard has been asking what grade she got, but I haven't told her. Weeks are passing. Perhaps I will not assign a grade until the last day of class. I don't know whether to take 20% off or 50% off or what. I'm thinking that the next time she asks me why I haven't graded the test, I will say, "I was sick."
ReplyDeleteTo modify a line from Bart Simpson: "U-boats, where are you?"
ReplyDeleteThis sort of thing is best covered by a prophylactic syllabus:
ReplyDeletethe guiding principles are
1) allowing/disallowing make-ups for missed work under all circumstance is at the discretion of the instructor.
2) the student is required, when possible, to attempt to arrange make-up work in advance of the anticipated missed dates. The instructor is under no obligation to grant make-up work, and all such arrangements are at the discretion of the instructor.
3) the basis for unanticipated missed work is significant factors (death, disasters, mayhem and the like - documented), and again, all such arrangements are subject to the discretion of the instructor...
I think 10% per day is more than fair, given that she has not given you any documentation of her illness.
ReplyDeleteIf you think that cruise internet is expensive, just wait until you get the roaming charges for your constant Facebook status updates ("I'm on a boat."; "It's amazing how much 12 Bahama Mama's will fuck you up!"; "I'm so fucking happy that I'm not working on my online Basketweaving class right now. Maybe I'll try the old 'Internet is too expensive onboard' ploy.") on your smartphone.
ReplyDeleteDipshit.
I tell my online students in my first-day introduction that if I can manage to drive 2,500 miles while fleeing a hurricane that destroyed my home and school and never go more than 24 hours without checking in on my classes, that they can suck it up and find internet service when they're "out of town" or whatever.
ReplyDelete