Another student complaining about their lab partner. You chose your partner during the first week of lab. Now, you want to work with somebody else. How sad. Apparently, your parents are poor role models who have shown you that a long term commitment to another person is meaningless. At the first sign of trouble, you want out. Did she agree to counseling? Oh sure, but only if we saw that crazy shrink friend of hers. And she wants the framed Looney Tunes cartoon print just because it was my favorite. That BITCH!
Ahem. I’m sorry about that. Look, buddy. Stick with it. You only have two more lab sessions. Be happy no kids are involved.
Book reps. Just leave your review copy on top of the book pile in the corner. Yes, I like the experiment procedures that I wrote and give to students for free just the way they are. No, I don’t want to convert them into a glossy lab manual that provides no extra value to students but costs them $50.
My research graduate student. I have learned why your old boss wrote a glowing recommendation letter. She encouraged you to quit and go back to school instead of having to fire you. I’ve invested far too much time in a futile effort to educate you. So much time, in fact, that I can’t afford for you to leave without me having something to show for my effort. How about a Master’s degree and a good letter of recommendation?
Whoever my school’s president roped into soliciting faculty for donations to his favorite charity. First off, you serve as a warning to others: Do not fuck up so bad that this is the only way you can keep your job. Despite the fact that you are a nice, normal person, I hate you. You waste my time, lay a guilt trip on me and you have the gall to ask me for money just so the president can attend some big fundraising dinner with the local high society types. I consider the difference between my salary and the regional average to be my annual charitable donation to this school. Don’t laugh. So far, the IRS hasn’t caught on.
Book resellers. You are the lowest on the academic food chain. Why are you all so strange – not in the cool, ”Is that freedom rock?” way but the sketchy, in a van, down by the river way? Now, get out of here. You smell.
Wait, how much can I get for that pile of books over there?
"Apparently, your parents are poor role models who have shown you that a long term commitment to another person is meaningless."
ReplyDeleteFrankly, the older I get and the more people I meet, the more I'm convinced this is the root of many people's life problems, not just their lab-partner issues.
Because staying in a marriage that isn't working is so the solution to society's problems. *eye roll*
ReplyDeleteI was a humanities/hard science double major in undergrad. No one wanted me as a lab partner until they saw I could do the work and they wouldn't be dragging me along. The consequence is that I was always dragging my lab partners to completion. To this day it terrifies me that these people are working in that field and I'm writing books about that field.
Hey. Can I hire your graduate student?
ReplyDeleteRe: complaints about lab (and other kinds of in-class) partners: at this point in the semester, I find myself spending much, much more energy than I want inventing new ways to translate "just suck it up and deal" into more diplomatic language. Now if I can only keep it up for 3 more weeks.
ReplyDeleteI think I love you, Beaker Ben.
ReplyDelete