Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Let the Begging Begin!

It’s that time of the semester again.  The point where all of the students who are on the verge of failing begin their begging for passing grades.  My system is very simple: if you do the work than you will pass.  If you don’t do it, you will fail.  I made this very clear on the first day.  Writing assignments, and there are quite a few of them, make up half the final grade, but for some reason students think they can pass while just taking the exams.  Now I get the whole “oh I didn’t know.  Can I still hand in the assignments?”  Uh, no.  What part of NO LATE ASSIGNMENTS WILL BE ACCEPTED (yes it’s in caps and bold in the syllabus) do you not understand?  I don’t care that your grandmother died—I am fatal to most grandparents—or that you “forgot” the assignment or that your computer died.  Why didn’t you talk to me when the assignment was due?  Why did you wait until the last two weeks of the semester to ask me about this?  I am not going to go out of my way to grade late assignments when you couldn’t even get off your own ass and do it when it was supposed to be done.  Oh and crying doesn’t help either.  There’s a reason why I keep such a big box of tissues on my desk.  I get a lot of this and I’m immune to it now.


  1. There are days when my interactions with students make me feel slightly hungry inside. A rumbling, like it's almost lunchtime.

    As the day goes on, more whining, more emails, more plagiarized response papers, and I feel a bit like I've been punched in the stomach.

    This isn't sadness. It's rage. It makes me want to do awful things to them. I hate them. I hate them!! Why can't they just follow the simplest instructions? Why must we put things in bold, only to have them still be ignored?? Why do they plagiarize, again and again and again and again?

    Why are they idiots? How did they get into college?

    (Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.)

  2. Do you really pass your students simply for handing in the work?

  3. I don't speak for Cynical Optimist, but "handing in" assignments is not the same thing as "doing the work" required. Clear evidence of actual effort, adequate performance, however, combined with actually doing all of the assignments? Pretty much impossible to fail.

  4. Yes, there is a difference between handing in an assignment and doing the work. In my class, if they do the work they pass. Trust me, I've gotten a lot of crap handed in that wasn't work. Those students tend to fail as well.

  5. It is the result of a malicious subroutine.
    The jist of the code is as follows.

    If syllabus(y/n)>0 then put syllabus in backpack.

    If backpack(y/n)=0 then delete and forget all writing on syllabus.

    If toiletpaper(y/n)=0 then use syllabus as toilet paper.

    For x=1,2,3,4,5
    Print "I have to get into med. school so I need an A in here. What can I do?"
    If instructors response indicates that A is likely, then goto [Awesome Evaluation]
    Next x

    goto [Throw Fit]
    Download angry fit routine.
    goto [Dean]

    Print "My instructor can't manage the classroom."
    goto [Bad Evaluation]

    [Awesome Evaluation]
    Rnd (x)
    Assign class x.

    [Bad Evaluation]
    If SexWithDean(y/n)=0 then end.
    If LikedSex(y/n)=1 then goto [Awesome Evaluation]

    Something similar happened to me when Ms. Torres was trying to improve my personality subroutines. Q has not bothered us since.

  6. BTW, I am not indicating that Cynical ought to have sex with their Dean.


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