Saturday, September 24, 2011

Hacker Makes Conan the 
Barbarian a College Professor
By Matt Liebowitz
Published September 17, 2011

The esteemed English department at Trinity College, Dublin, recently added a frightening and powerful new professor to its ranks: Conan the Barbarian.
The fake announcement came courtesy of a hacker, who tapped into the university's website and plastered a picture of Dr. Conan T. Barbarian to the site, The Guardian reported.

The hacker, however, did more than just place a picture on the site of the iconic character played by Arnold Schwarzenegger in 1982's film adaptation and its 1984 sequel, "Conan the Destroyer."

Dr. Barbarian was given distinguished credentials, including a Ph.D. from University College Dublin, an FTCD (Fellow of Trinity College Dublin), and a B.A from Cimmeria (the fictional barbarian homeland of the Conan character.) His official title: "The Long Room Hug Associate Professor in Hyborian Studies and Tyrant Slaying."

The real genius of the extensive hack lies in how Dr. Barbarian landed his new teaching gig, and what he plans to do with unruly students.

"Dr. Conan T. Barbarian was ripped from his mother's womb on the corpse-strewn battlefields of his warn-torn homeland, Cimmeria, and has been preparing for academic life ever since," the faculty bio reads. "A firm believer in the dictum that 'that which does not kill us makes us stronger,' he took time out to avenge the death of his parents following a sojourn pursuing his strong interest in Post-Colonial theory at the Sorbonne."


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  2. I'd like to see how he handles students who whine/beg/wheedle/cry about why they didn't do their homework/came to class late/etc. Better stand back: it could get messy, with that broadsword he's got.

  3. Frod, I believe the last line says it all:
    "He is happy to hear from potential research students with an interest of any of these topics, but applicants should note that anyone found guilty of academic misconduct or weakness in the face of the enemy will be crucified as an example to the others."


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