Thursday, November 10, 2011

Class Rank


You are the world's greatest professor. Your students can't get enough of your riveting lectures. They lie awake at night thinking deep, thoughtful thoughts prompted by the thoughts you express in your thought-provoking teaching. This thinking stuff, it's pretty boss!

Also: You are super attractive in every way. You didn't think tweed and eyeglasses were hot? Oh. Well, I know it sounds remarkable, but all these students who (only coincidentally) need to be added to your overloaded course to graduate are making eyes at you.


These students might even be giving you chili peppers on Rate My Professors! You should totally go look.


Ouch! Dang, you are mean. You kill kittens. You hate sunshine. You might be a vampire, but not the trendy sparkly kind--you're the nasty blood-sucking kind. Nobody likes you. Your meaningless lectures are filled with wordy words that are too wordy. You are crushing everyone's souls.

Your students would post photos taken during class with their iPhones to mock you on Tumblr if you didn't have an ironclad "no technology in class" rule on your syllabus. That's half the problem, you know--your classes are SO BORING without anyone to text. How can anyone be expected to give some know-it-all professor their attention for an entire 45 minutes straight?

Ugh, ugh, ugh! End the course, already!

4 comments:

  1. BurntChromeNovember 10, 2011 at 11:27 AM

    I love this so much I'm printing it out and putting it on my corkboard.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dr. ColossusNovember 10, 2011 at 1:57 PM

    State A also reappears, for me, a few weeks prior to the midterm / final exam.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wombat of the CopierNovember 10, 2011 at 8:44 PM

    I don't know if there is a non-science scenario where this happens, but... When you teach either the lab or the lecture of a paired set, and a colleague teaches the other half. If you teach the lab, on the day the lecture proffie gives an exam, you're the best and why can't you teach everything and can you teach Lecture II next term please please please? The day you return graded lab reports, you're the devil and thank god you don't teach the lecture and who is teaching Lab II next term? I better not get you again...

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Contemplative CynicNovember 11, 2011 at 7:49 PM

    This is SO representative of my life that I think you're stalking me. lol. So true!!! Thanks for the laugh.

    ReplyDelete

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