The sheltered SLAC I went to as an undergrad raised me to think that, one day, I could become the same fat and happy tenured professor. Living the sweet life of the mind, enjoying the rapt attention of my intelligent young pupils during the semester, taking long strolls on the well manicured campus during the summer; all that shit. I daydreamed about being tenured for 45+ years until I was too old to totter onto campus, one day completely forgetting my lectures and soiling myself in front of the students, forced into retirement by the dean just before my death.I started graduate school in hamster-fur sciences at an R1 shortly after my blissful undergraduate years, naive and optimistic. But my cynicism began growing out of control with each passing year. Maybe it was the professor who made serious off-the-books cash from consultation work that directly conflicted with their faculty position. Or the one who made up a conference in the Bahamas. Or the one who stole their graduate student's work. Or the one that had their graduate student clean their basement. Or the one who married a graduate student, divorced them, and married another one. We were a cheap and easily replaced labor/dating pool for our faculty. The undergrads were lucky to even get a graduate TA to remember their name. Shit, we had "academic advisers" so the faculty wouldn't even have to actually talk to the students outside of class.
I've finished and am living in the desert of the postdoc, desperately trying to rejoin the dysfunctional circus that is part of being a faculty member. But I'm already exhausted from the job search, as I've heard nothing but radio silence, again, for the second year in a row. Now, the seemingly endless postdoc/visiting professor hamster wheel stretches on before me. That means I'll be doing this same shit all over again next year. Every year it makes my cynicism that much worse, and every year it gets harder to put down bullshit like "student centered classroom" on my teaching philosophy. You want to know my teaching philosophy? #1 - I want a job, #2 - I'll teach those little bastards however you like to maintain point #1.
But the new year has led me to reevaluate my priorities in a major way. How many more years will I need to do this just to get that tenure ring? Based on the behavior I saw as a grad student, I'm not even sure tenure will or should still be around in a few more years. Honestly, I'm starting to forget why I wanted it so badly in the first place. And I'm worried that once I get in, I'll be back in a department full of assholes just like the one I was in as a student.
This isn't a thirsty, but it is a question. Does this feeling go away? Or am I right to think about folding my hand and trying something new? I'm still youngish, it's not too late. I do know there are jerks in every profession, but why does this one seem to actually encourage bad behavior?
The bigger question is when do law school students fold, pack up, and drop out?
ReplyDeleteAfter they realize that they will graduate with $120K in non-dischargeable debt - with anemic to non-existent job prospects?! Or perhaps, they should drop out after their first semester grades do not place them in the top ten percent of their respective class.
Maybe, they should drop the idea of going to law school the moment that they are not admitted to a top six school. Because, then they will almost need to be at the top of their class, in order to have a decent-paying job.
I think we might all be in the same boat together. I also have non-dischargable school loans (maybe half as much) and it seems like the academic grad market is also flooded. Although, law students seem to be way worse off.
ReplyDeleteHave we all made a terrible mistake?
If you didn't enjoy life at an R1, might I suggest you forgo searching for jobs them?
ReplyDeleteI had a VERY similar graduate experience. I might even think we went to the same place. I was even told to my face that the profs thought I didn't work hard enough because I didn't go to the gym enough. Ugh. One prof committed suicide, one graduate student continuously flirts with it, and everybody buries their heads in the sand and pretends its not a problem. Graduate students aren't valued or helped, and yes, it all sucked.
So you know what? I went out and got work experience someplace that was the opposite of that, and then I went and got a TT at someplace that ALSO was the opposite of that, my beloved SLAC. It really is a lot better.
There are two kinds of "student centered" nonsense. The kind where the people saying it have no idea what the tea party they mean, and decide to dumb down the curriculum and force faculty to teach in bizarre byzantine ways. There is also the sort where they say "we're going to create ways to get students interested and caring about course material. We're going to get them involved in the community. We're going to freaking have a good time too".... without saying "And you have to do it THIS way." I think you'd probably enjoy the second experience.
Wow. So much to say!
ReplyDeleteMinor point, law school isn't about the Top Six national schools. It's about local farming schools. If you want to be a lawyer in Houston, don't go to school in New England. Houston firms pull almost exclusively from UT-Austin. But how much of a digression is that?!
Major point, YES we have all made a huge mistake.
Some of us will recover from this huge mistake by "winning" a job. Because it is totally a lottery contest.
But others will recover from this terrible life choice by finding a reliable Plan B. A side-step industry position, a high school program, a small business we can run drawing from our expertise, maybe even a conglomerate of jobs that together keep us happy and prosperous even without tenure. Without knowing your discipline, I cannot be specific, but I think academics are loathe to "give up" even when "giving up" will lead to the $60k annual salary that helps us pay back those loans and stop doing laundry at friends' houses.
Oh, Bison, I wonder if you and I went to the same SLAC, because we certainly had similar dreams.
ReplyDeleteAnd Nando's not off-base. My loans are currently $77K, and my salary is an anemic $45K--and I'm the sole support for my family of 4 right now. My dreams of being tenured did not involve being rich, but they did involve being able to heat my house and feed my family.
Bison, I wish I knew what to tell you. I am at a teaching institution (meaning a 4/4 load, TYVM) and the teaching part makes me happy (in spite of the students hotboxing in their cars before class). It took me a LOOOOOOONG time to get a TT position, and 6 years of slogging to get tenure. And I'm thinking of leaving for a variety of reasons which I've posted about previously and won't go into here.
I'd second MLP's comment above, too--perhaps you'd be happier away from the R1 atmosphere. Just make sure that when you're applying for those non-R1 jobs, you put teaching as the priority in your letter and your CV, because that's what those of us on the hiring committees want to see: commitment to teaching, with scholarship to augment it.
Best of luck.
Both institutions were in the Midwest, and that's probably all I should say until I'm either tenured or out of academics for good. I have even more stories from my graduate student days that would turn your stomach.
ReplyDeleteThanks all for the advice, I'm definitely looking at non-R1 teaching institutions. I do have good teaching experience and frame my materials around that, but the SLACs I did apply to have also been silent. I'm noting a trend in my field of SLACs hiring folks who are 'stepping down' from an R1 TT spot. I'm easily out of the running if that's who I am up against.
I have an average-ish student who is convinced that he is going on to become a professor of hamster-cage architecture. He's oblivious to my suggestions that he doesn't want to.. And I can't bring myself to tell him that he's woefully under equipped for grad school. Any suggestions?
ReplyDeleteBison: recall that the sciences are a massive ponzi scheme: there aren't enough permanent academic jobs to satisfy even half of the current post docs. So, you either have to be the very best, or outlast the rest of the competition. All tenure-track people should consider themselves very lucky: it is not a pure meritocracy.
Seriously. Just received a rejection email for a T-T position I applied for in which they say received over 200 applicants. How do you stand out in a crowd of 200?
ReplyDeleteDr Nat,
ReplyDeleteExplain to your student that you will only write for him if he truly understands what he is getting into. Make him write a report on the statistics of people earning a degree in this field and then being gainfully employed in hamster cage architecture. Matriculation rates, successful employment rates, starting salaries, average peak salaries, average debt and average funding plans. All of it.
I had a colleague who did this for each undergrad seeking a grad school rec. It either cut down his load on recommendations or made his recommendations stronger, for only those who completely understood what they were doing receive a nod.
@Nat: Bring yourself to tell your student that he's woefully under equipped for grad school. You do him no favors by stringing him along. If you need to soften it, you may include the phrase, "...unless you make the following basic changes..." This sometimes does turn things around, but not nearly as often as too many students think.
ReplyDelete@Bison: Read, "A Ph.D. is Not Enough," by Peter Feibelman. You have time to, it's only about 130 pages. Feibelman has a particularly good description of the woes of being a science professor with tenure, no doubt partly because he was burned during his assistant professorship. He's since been happy and productive at a national lab, and has good things to say about industry, too. Rather than the contracting field of education, might it be more interesting to be in a field with possibilities that are expanding, such as energy, renewable or otherwise? You might do the world some genuine good, and make a lot more money with less aggravation. And make no mistake: even if you do get the prize of a professorship with tenure, it may quickly feel like it's become a booby prize. Read the posts on this blog, if you don't believe it.
Wow, Bison, 200 applications is a small pool in the Humanities. One search I chaired had 700 applications.
ReplyDeleteI will say this, though: even back in the late 80s, when I was applying, I had no intention of accepting any grad school offer that did not pay my way all the way through, whether through teaching or fellowships. The major difference was that I went before the housing bubble, so you could live on a graduate stipend in some cities without going into debt. So I chose a top-10 program in a city with a reasonable cost of living, one which offered me a full ride with 2 years of non-teaching time, and I graduated debt-free. Then I gave myself 4 years post-Ph.D. to land in a t-t position that paid enough to live on (accomplished through two stepping-stone positions that paid very little, but I lived low to the ground). The plan was that if 4 years past the Ph.D. I had nothing permanent in a place I could bear to live, I would leave the profession. I could give myself 4 years because I'd be under 35 if the plan didn't work.
So, that's the advice I give grad students, after I finish the spiel about how now is not a great time to go, period: go by the time you are 25, and only if you get full support relative to the cost of living in the place you'll be; don't assume any debt; and have a 3-4 year plan with a Plan B for leaving the profession. Also, be prepared for the fact that it isn't a meritocracy, but a roulette system of dumb luck.
Time for Plan B?
Froad, that is indeed very good advice. It's advice I gave myself but I often forget about it when talking to soon-to-be-PhDs, but it's key to have a date after which you look for gainful employment in a broader range of occupations.
ReplyDeleteMy financial guy says people should start saving for retirement by age 35. If you haven't paid your loans down by then, you need to change up your plan post-haste.