Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I've gotten so old, I forgot my own schtick

Tip toes lost?  Tarp ton lust?  Top Ten List?  Hey, that sounds catchy.

Let's first talk about misery.

Their lying. Our hard work. Their cheating. Our Drinking.

Wait, am I talking about being a professor? Hell no, That's country music. Funny that you should get them confused.  But now that gets me to thinking. Most professors might think that they and country music are like this:

                             O                                            O

That's a Venn diagram.

There's a lot in country music that y'all might appreciate. It's about upholding traditional values (think standards of conduct in your classroom).  There's also themes about mama, trains, trucks, prison, getting drunk and the misuse of MLA formatting.  OK, I made up that last one.  Trust me.  It's like ol' Hank wrote his songs about us.

Shit, where was I going with this?  Oh, yeah.  A top ten list.

Top Ten Country Songs for College Faculty (links are to actual songs)

10. He Stopped Attending Her Class Today
9.  Where Were You (When You Should Have Been Studying)
8.  If You’ve Got the Money, We’ve Got the Tuition Bill 
7.  Have I Told You Lately That You Won’t Pass My Class
6.  I’m So Underpaid I Could Cry 
5.  Folsom County Community College Adjunct Blues
3.  I Am a Student of Constant Excuses 
2.  Blue Eyes Cryin’ for Extra Credit
1.  Stand By Your Syllabus 

I hope y'all drank as much reading this as I did writing it.


  1. (Chorus)
    Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be snowflakes.
    Don’t let ‘em take classes and drive us all nuts.
    Make ‘em work graveyards at Wendy’s and such.

    Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be snowflakes.
    They’ll never work hard and they’re always at home
    Making up whoppers they lie.

    Snowflakes are easy to loathe and they’re harder to trust
    And they’d rather give you some grief than essays and work
    Research is feckless and copied badly
    And each term begins a new term
    And if you don’t understand hir and s/he don’t drop out
    You’ll probably go fucking insane.


    1. I see another scene for "College Misery: The Musical". Very nice.

  2. Stand by your syllabus- my new motto. Thanks, Ben!

  3. This is epic.

    Thanks for the drinkin' music.


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