Received this email last week:
I just wanted to apologize for getting back to you so late, I have had a terrible week! I had everything ready wednesday to post my topic and right when I started writing it the track pad on my macbook froze! So I had to take it in to the Apple Store, luckily they were very quick fixing it. Unfortunatly the Apple Store is in a very upscale mall inside of a casino, which is not in a very good neighborhood. When I was walking back to my car with my laptop I was attacked by a crazy homeless man and I broke my hand! Ughhhhh!!!! I'm so mad, it's really depressing, and it hurts ALOT! They didn't give me any pain medicine and the ER wouldn't set it for me, they just put me in a temp cast and told me I need to see a specialist, but he won't see me because I have no insurance! I'm sooo frustrated! But I wrote this paper with a broken hand, I know it isn't perfect and I apologize, I am just in too much pain to revise it. Sometimes my professors tell me that they can't see my papers because I use open office, so i will copy it to the bottom incase it doesn't come up for you. I attached a picture of me in this temp cast THAT I HATE!!!!!! That is me pretending to be happy that I have this thing on. It could be a lot worse I guess. I keep laughing that its my last class, its almost like I have to fight my way through it now! Sorry again!
Oh, Dearie Donald, I'm so sorry to hear about your hand. The timing your computer chose for its demise is exceedingly unfortunate. I know that if my laptop were to die, there could be simply no way to contact my professor for about 2 weeks. Indeed, I would probably sit on my front lawn, tears streaming down my face, until the laptop took pity on me and woke up on its own.
But that's not all!! Oh, why do these Apple Stores always choose terrible neighborhoods for their stores? It's probably because their target demographic is homeless people and thugs. I know that's who is always stealing the macbooks on campus, so clearly the Apple Store is doing its job by setting up shop in a bad neighborhood. If you think about it, it's probably good business sense -- you buy the computer, someone steals it outside, so you go buy another computer. That Steve Jobs! Genius.
But, OH! The pain. Your attack made my heart jump into my mouth. How terrifying! And for you especially. No insurance? Even though our University makes students either buy into student insurance or prove that they are already insured elsewhere? Exactly how did you avoid this paperwork nightmare? Very clever of you.
And now, your picture. Oh, Darling Donald, the picture of you grinning with your cast is so bittersweet. I see your hidden pain! And your choice to wear a sweater with Valentine's Day decorations even though it's mid-summer makes me wince. How emotionally fragile you must be to keep the love in the air year round. Because I completely believe that this picture was taken when you say it was. I really, truly do.
With all my heart, I hope you are able to heal fast. Surely you must be my best student or something something something get over yourself I hope the University never allows you to graduate don't ever email me again.
--insert slow clap of appreciation-- Well played, sir. Can the cast picture be turned into a CM graphic somehow? I'm dying to see that sweater.ReplyDelete
Good Lord. When I was in college I would have been mortified to offer excuses that lame to my professors! Hell, I DID break a bone in my hand, got a cast, and missed a grad total of one day's classes. I've heard more excuse sin 1 semester from a dozen students than I probably gave in 4 years of undergrad and 6 years of grad school!!!!ReplyDelete
While you're undoubtedly correct that this photo was taken some time ago, it's possible that you can actually check your suspicion by looking at the photo's EXIF data. Most devices that take digital images embed a whole bunch of information in the image, including the date and time that it was taken. If the student didn't go to the trouble of stripping this data out, it might still be in there.ReplyDelete
You can find the EXIF data in a picture using a bunch of different programs, and there are also online EXIF readers where you can upload the image and it will show you the information. Here's one that works well, in my experience: http://exifdata.com/
I have a similar story to yours, involving a lie and a photo, which I'll post sometime soon.
If you're REALLY lucky, the photo might also be embedded with GPS locator data ... just to add to the fun.Delete
From the "you think you're in pain?" file, last year I endured my first experience with kidney stones.
Two weeks from diagnosis to resolution: 4 emergency room visits, 3 procedures (day surgery, lithotripsy, in-office), 2 diagnostic tests, about a half-dozen office visits. But, being one of them d'ere online profs, I think I only was actually off-duty for two days in total.
You haven't experienced grading until its done under the influence of Percocet!
Yes! Plenty of smartphones embed the GPS data, and the link I gave, above, will actually include a map of where the picture was taken.Delete
I second Dr. J above. The image should be fixed up CM/RYS style and made part of the regular stable of images.ReplyDelete
OMG, POW. POW I say. Bravo.ReplyDelete
There's an Apple store inside an upscale casino? My kind of heaven!ReplyDelete
Oh, I see there's one in the Forum Shops at Caesar's. Not quite what I was envisioning... shoot.Delete
I wonder how many times this student has recycled this excuse. I'd have saved it for the final exam, if anything...
Wow. I hadn't even done that kind of research. The implication was that the casino was local. I wonder if this is also an excuse from the time he went to Vegas during the school year? FOREHEAD SMACKDelete
Methinks that "upscale," like "luxury," has lost some meaning somewhere along the way. Then again, I'm not sure "upscale" had much meaning outside marketing-world to begin with, so I'm not exactly in mourning.ReplyDelete
Or maybe the upscale mall & casino/bad neighborhood combination is one more sign of increasing economic stratification. That I might just be willing to believe.
Stratification, and zoning laws.Delete
Have you ever been in a big city swanky business district after dark? It's deserted except for the homeless people who descend on all those unused doorways for the evening. People with money now shop and work miles from where they live, and nobody wants to live next to a mall, upscale or not.