Tuesday, September 11, 2012


I'm Hiram. This is some content about my college misery.

Oh, I hate it. I love it, too. Too many lemon drops. I had a student named Scooter. There was one named Buffy. They didn't work. They were snowflakes, in the manner.

I almost wanted to Twitter it was so bad at one point. Wikipedia.

The plagiarism was next. And then all that stuff about the old days and how much of a badass student I was, well, no, not really. I was an average student. I tried to get out of work, too, but took my penalties with honor, sometimes honour, because of that girlfriend I had from Ireland.

But the students.

And the colleagues. Dunderheads. I had one who was lazy. If I said one, I meant all.

Then the Deans fucked me.

Then the President fucked me. I was alone in my principles.

I took student evaluation forms and threw them in a canyon. I didn't get paid enough. I killed an adjunct with a board because he begged me to.

It is finished.


  1. I don't think euthanasia for adjuncts is strictly necessary. Just encourage them to commit "academic suicide" -- i.e. get a job outside the academy. I'm told there's a possibly-quite-pleasant afterlife out there.

  2. Hiram, it has seems,
    has gone 'round the bend.
    It's lovely there, I'm told,
    by many of my friends.

  3. This cracked me up. Thanks for the chuckle, Hiram.

  4. I read this in the voice of William Shatner. Thank you so very much, Hiram.

  5. When Hiram is no longer baffled, he makes me snort my vodka.

  6. So utterly chock full of WIN that it makes all the other posts slink away in shame.

  7. By request, we've stripped Hiram of his POW designation. Better luck next time. It's not called College Misery for nothing.

    1. The RGM's decision is, of course, law (and it's good news that we actually have more than one candidate for POW). However, as I argued under Ben's post, I wonder whether we have a clear definition of when the week begins and ends, or, for that matter, from what perspective we're defining "week."

      The transformed Hiram graphic is funny, though, so I'll cheer for any occasion that inspired it.

    2. The inviolate period for post of the week starts on Monday at 12:00 am and ends Sundays at 11:59 pm. There is one post of the week. Multiple post(s) of the week would mean someone would have to make a new shitty graphic.

      Or we could just all go fucking crazy!

    3. I guess someone made that new shitty graphic.

  8. Oh, Hiram! It looks like you got fucked sideways!


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