We've hashed out our colleagues every which way 'til Sunday but I don't remember talking about their wives. Sorry, I mean spouses. Maybe I'm talking about people that may or may not eat dogs as part of their culture or maybe they eat dogs just for the hell of it. I mean, what the fuck - they'd fit on a grill, right? I don't have a problem with that. Frankly, if you can follow along with me, then please lead the way. I'm into my second 12 pack at this point.[UPDATE: Thank you Sawyer for clarifying this for everybody. See his comment below.]
Anywho. The spouses of colleagues. I just spent the evening with a dummy who blamed the 49ers' comeback on the lights going out in the Superdome. Not the normal, "it changed the momentum of the game" analysis. I mean a full blown black helicopter conspiracy.
I can deal with stupid people. Hell, that's my job. It's putting up with smart people who marry dumb people that really throws me for a loop. I feel like wandering into his office next week and saying, "Hey, congratulations on that NSF award. That's going to be some ground-breaking research. Do you mind not bringing that drunk buffoon who shares your last name to my party next time?"
Sorry about the graphic. I'm expressing how I feel, which is kind of pixelated right now.
They should really play this game on Saturday. Monday morning is the elephant in the room at every Superbowl party...
ReplyDeleteA duck, a squirrel, an alpaca, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The squirrel walks like a duck and quacks like a duck. The alpaca is wearing a yarmulke. The rabbi strangles the duck and screams, "I'm a frayed knot!"
ReplyDeleteSuper Bowl Thirsty:
Q. Is this bar in Ogden, Oxford, Ontario, Oslo?
(Explain your answer in an essay that's at least 500 words long. Or not.)
This post is all for naught, I'm afraid.
DeleteSpouses of actual colleagues, not so much trouble. Spouses of actual friends in academia--lots of trouble.
ReplyDeleteThe men who make a profession of finding crazy women to date a marry. And three dear, dear girlfriends, one of whom married a worthless asshole, another who married a worthless idiot, and a third who married an abuser. In addition all the men are un or underemployed.
They're all still married. At this point I can't visit any of them, so them ruining a party I'm hosting isn't an option.
I stopped trying to figure out the love lives of other people a long time ago. The heart wants want it wants. Even if what it wants is a total dick.
I had a problem with the dips people brought.
ReplyDeleteI see what you did there.
DeleteIn literature as in love we are astounded by what is chosen by others...
ReplyDelete"Not the normal, "it changed the momentum of the game" analysis. I mean a full blown black helicopter conspiracy."
ReplyDeleteIt would have worked too, if it wasn't for those kids and that damn dog!
here we go again, Ben slipping the casual racism in in passing just to make the point that he remembers getting called out on it last time but thinks its fine to thumb his nose at those of us 'too sensitive' to get it. Really this poster's privileges should be suspended for some period of time (its his third strike). I'm all for real straightforward skewering (I think it's a shame the twittering succumbed to the niceness brigade) but want the nastiness of CM to be about stupidity not engaged in providing exemplars of it.
ReplyDeleteNever silence anyone.
DeleteInstead, mock and berate.
Ben: Eating dogs? Really? That's where you're going to go? That's a bit trite, isn't it? Even for you.
Never silence anyone.
DeleteInstead, mock and berate.
Ben: Eating dogs? Really? That's where you're going to go? That's a bit trite, isn't it? Even for you.
Its a reminder of a past blowup on CM. It was bait, and it appears we've got one on the hook!
DeleteWord. Racism sucks. Baiting people who call for a racism-free environment sucks even more.
DeleteDogs were served at the function I attended last night. I chose not to partake on principled reasons (call them cultural if it makes you feel better):
Delete1. They were boiled, not grilled.
2. They were turkey-based, not beef, pork, or some delicious amalgamation of the two.
3. The accompanying "chili" was also turkey based and the relish was "dill," not "sweet."
I mean a full blown black helicopter conspiracy. Sir! They are helicopters that just happen to be black. Next time try to be more sensitive.
Post has been amended based comments in this thread. I appreciate your feedback.
DeleteWhy are you getting together with colleagues at all? Classic mistake.
ReplyDeleteOur party with colleagues and their wives went well.
ReplyDeleteIt can happen.
The complaints continue about the dog stuff, Ben. I swear to God I love you, but this is a joke that has done nothing but bring misery to the otherwise happy office in Ogden.
ReplyDeleteI'll ask you to desist the next time you want to use that trope.
I'm surprised and unhappy to hear that. I figured people would speak their mind in the comments if they felt so strongly about it. Based on what we've got so far here, I didn't see any reason to be concerned. I guess I was wrong. Point taken.
DeleteFeel free to send their messages to me if you don't want to deal with it. Really, there's no reason you should have to.
beakerbenrys@gmail.com
Hang in there. I'm only a pain in the ass some days.
Beaker
I write to the mods fairly often, but didn't write about this.
ReplyDeleteBut I find the dog eater comment, both here and earlier when you were trying it out, to be objectionable, and racist. You're stereotyping, I'm assuming, Asian students of an indeterminate origin? They must eat dogs, right? And drive badly? And have small penises? Good at math?
That's horrid, and I've always loved your posts, Beaker Ben. But you should be ashamed for this.
Is there something I am missing from earlier versions of the post? As it is right now, he does not mention Asian students. Asia is not the only place where dog is eaten (Chiwawa being, for example, an ancestral Mexican delicacy). Yet, you assume it's racist.
DeleteThis dog-eater debate has occurred on the site before in an earlier post that Ben put up. It flared up again Monday and the post above has been altered. The earlier post, if I remember correctly, was more obvious in its depiction of the students as Asian. But that's just my memory.
Delete