"I know I missed class but I had food poisoning. I also have a seizure disorder. So I don't like to go to the doctor because they only ever ask me about my seizure disorder. That's why I didn't get a doctor's note. I wanted to go to the doctor but they would have asked me only about my seizures instead of the food poisoning."Someone put me out of my misery, please. For the record, I do not give anything resembling a shit about why students miss class.
Also, why is it more than halfway through the semester and I'm just now hearing about a seizure disorder? That seems like the kind of thing a professor might want to know about. Not in an invasive, TMI way, just, "Hey, if I collapse or go into rigor or whatever, here's what to do."