This week, the applications to work at restaurants and waitress started. One manager said maybe. The rest said no. Apparently a PhD does not give you the appropriate skills to wait tables and learn the shorthand for a BLT no T. I guess.
The feeling of being outside the tenure track caste system is like being a starving person looking into a bakery window. I don't want the scraps and leftovers. I want a place at the table.
At this point, I would settle for any job. Any job at all.
You aren't supposed to teach for ten years and then have to move back in with your parents. It isn't okay to not have a job because your partner can "take care of you," and you "don't really need to work, now do you?"
The writing of resumes. The cover letters. The calls. The failure. The constant, constant feeling of failure.
And yet ...
There are glimmers. Small ones. Two emails this week from former students. They were some of my favorites, and they emailed just to say hello and how much they loved me teaching Swamps and Bogs. I keep it polite; work is fine, don't you worry darlings, congratulations on your new jobs. I'm so happy your knowledge of Swamps and Bogs is useful there. Why yes, I'm great. Thanks for asking.
The lie hurts, but it isn't fair to take away their joy because I am miserable.
Oh, Maybelle, I am so sorry. I wish I could help.
ReplyDelete{{{Maybelle}}}
I am sorry this is happening to you, Maybelle. Hang in there!
ReplyDelete@Maybelle: If you can teach physics, Fresno City College in Fresno, CA has come into some end-of-fiscal-year money, and is hiring instructors for Fall. If you can't teach physics or don't live near Fresno, here's hoping that other CM readers keep making similar comments, until you get something you can use. Hang in there!
DeleteI haven't taken physics since high school. I know F=MA, and that an object in motion remains in motion until acted upon by an equal or greater force.
DeleteDoes that qualify me to teach the freshmen?
I am sorry, too. Sending good vibes your way.
ReplyDeleteVery glad to hear from you, Maybelle, but very sorry that things are not going better. I'm glad you're continuing to plug away despite the obstacles, and wish you the best in finding/making a job that makes good use of your talents.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Maybelle. I hope things improve and soon.
ReplyDeleteOh Maybelle! I am so sorry to hear that things are so terrible.
ReplyDeleteI am always trying to repress a natural and annoying inclination to offer suggestions. But I have a few here. Please just ignore me if you like.
Have you tried tutoring for your local school systems? Even though many of them have a requirement that the tutor be state certified for secondary ed, many times they are desperate and will take people who don't have that but have other qualifications. The pay was pretty good when I did that, per hour. How about SAT prep? Or SAT tutoring? Now is the season when the little darlings who did not do so well (and their parents) are getting antsy. I live in the prep school capital of the world, but there are prep schools everywhere. You might try getting in touch with Carney Sandoe, a firm that has a great track record (a few of our adjuncts have found jobs through them) http://www.carneysandoe.com/ for prep school placement nationally. They have regional job fairs, like MLA. Yay, right. But it could be something else to try. I do not work for or profit from Carney Sandoe (just FYI).
Be good to yourself. Nurture yourself.
Sending you hugs and prayers and good wishes.
I feel sick for you. Knowing that what you are going through awaits most of us in academic positions is the biggest factor in keeping me working in such a poisonous environment. So sorry.....
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry.
ReplyDeleteYour post reminds me that I am very fortunate and that I shouldn't be such a whiner.
Bless you in your work when you find it.
I only have to get lucky once. Can't get lucky if I don't try.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I wish I had some practical suggestions.
ReplyDeleteHave you considered staying in higher ed but not necessarily in the classroom?
ReplyDeleteCome to the dark side; we have cookies.
I want those cookies Sawyer. I really do. 58 applications worth, but the Dark Side won't share their cookies with me.
DeleteMaybe I should get a better lightsaber (resume)...
(((Maybelle))) I appreciate your sharing when there's no bright side and no snark, only sadness and frustration.
ReplyDeleteNot that I'm against the other kinds of posts, but they are easier to write than this, I imagine . . .
DeleteIt was particularly hard when I had two of my (favorite) former students email me out of the blue with such happiness and kindness. Both students are/were convinced I would make a wonderful full-time faculty and why weren't you Full Professor Maybelle already? That kind of youthful love and naivety.
DeleteMaybelle, hope it's not too late to say that I'm very sorry you're in this (lack of) position. Wish I could send you chocolate.
ReplyDelete