There I am in my long sleeping-bag coat, shuffling to class twenty minutes late on a Tuesday morning. There I am in what used to be the video store, piling my arms high with VHSs. There I am in the diner, ordering not one but two egg sandwiches. There I am in the gym, riding an Exercycle from the early '80s and reading a book called
Bosnian Rape. And there I am, drunk on a spring night, yanking my tampon out and hurling it into a bush outside the church. There I am falling in love by the bike rack. There I am slowly realizing my bike has gone missing from the same rack, stolen while I was sleeping. There I am calling my father from the steps of the art museum. There I am half listening to a professor when she tells me I need to start attending class more regularly. And I'm there, too, dragging a torn sofa into the black-box theater with my 'set designer.' If I had known how much I would miss these sensations I might have experienced them differently, recognized their shabby glamour, respected the ticking clock that defined this experience. I would have put aside my resentment, dropped my defenses. I might have a basic understanding of European history or economics. More abstractly, I might feel I had truly been somewhere, open and porous and hungry to learn. Because being a student was an enviable identity and one I can only reclaim by attending community college late in life for a bookmaking class or something.
A truly heroic figure in modern culture.
ReplyDeleteI never understood why people gave her such acclaim.
ReplyDeleteI think it's because the current culture bar is set so incredibly low.
DeleteI am guessing it is the same thing as Duck Dynasty and Honey Boo Boo? I would rather drive nails into my arm than watch that crap. lol
DeleteI've seen her show a few times. I actually think some of it is quite well written. Not all of it though. And some of it is so abominably snowflakey.
DeleteBut the Duck / Boo Boo shit is a whole different class of misery.
Parking Wars. That's a show I like.
Clearly a legend in her own mind. What utter twaddle!
ReplyDeleteWhat a selfish self-entitled jerk. I thought it would end "and I realize that I squandered my time and my parents' money whilst at college, but my family's wealthy so it all worked out okay for me." Instead she is "recognizing the shabby glamour" of not only being late for class or not bothering to attend, but ripping out a revolting tampon and hurling it into bush outside the church? I'm sure whoever had to clean that up thought it was revolting, not glamourous. Geez, that's way beyond acting foolish while drunk, that's more like the mentally ill and highly unbalanced homeless person that you cross the street to avoid.
ReplyDeleteHuh. I really liked it. I think you're missing the real regret there: that she was too busy being over-involved in her emotional life and her peer group to really soak herself in what's actually on offer at a university or college - the chance to really learn something, and to spend the time to learn something just out of intellectual curiosity, not for money or job training or any other reason. She regrets that she didn't do it right.
ReplyDeleteI understand that regret entirely. I went on to an MA because I didn't think I'd done the BA right. I went on to a PhD because I didn't feel as if I'd done the MA right. I still don't feel as if I've done it right. I keep trying to get the last thing right. If I ever get it right, THEN I'll go to law school
That's how I read it- she was so wrapped up in her adolescent angst that she missed the opportunity to be a true student open to learning. I'm not too bothered by this, as it looks a lot like the crap I wrote when I was depressed college student.
DeleteIf only she wrote it as, "...and I regret that I missed so many classes, was late for so many classes, and threw biohazardous waste on the lawn of a church..." As it stands, she is defending her atrocious behaviour in college as "glamourous." No wonder college students are such self-entitled jerks - this is the standard of behaviour that passes for "shabby glamour."
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