Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Potty humor

I don't think the RGM is up this early so I'm going to sneak in a post that allows me to exercise my juvenile sense of humor.  Let's POOP.

Not "poop."  POOP!  Play Online with Other Proffies.  Who wants to POOP?  (Don't raise your hand if you're ready.)  Good!  Everybody's ready.

Here's how it works.  I give you a topic.  You give me a short answer in the comments.  After a few days, I'll collect your answers and create a poll.  You vote for your favorite response.  Then, you come back to vote again and again and again and again because I am doing this only to increase page views.

Today, let's POOP about Bible verses altered to reflect the life of an academic.  This is inspired by some fun I had on Twitter.  Here's one I wrote:
I am the promotion and the tenure and the committee. No one becomes the associate professor except through me.
You get the idea.  Now, dust off those church pamphlets (or Google) and start POOPing!

If you don't feel like POOPing now, don't strain yourself.  Just sit down, grab a magazine and relax.


15 comments:

  1. You shall not covet your neighbor's office. You shall not covet your neighbor's grants, or his books or papers, his budget or stapler, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.

    ReplyDelete
  2. For Frod so loved the world that he gave his one and only stapler....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always thought any love that involved blood (STAPLES! TWITCH! TWITCH!) or talking snakes deserved a serious re-think of the whole thing, from basic principles.

      I've got a good one, by the way:

      Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the (fill in the blank), as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

      Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your (fill in the blank) that are in the world.

      Delete
  3. ... Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.

    Ecclesiastes 12:12 works as it is, no?


    ReplyDelete
  4. Thou shalt not suffer a plagiarist to live.

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  5. Deuteronomy 11:26
    Behold, I set before you this day a new assignment and an MLA guide.

    ReplyDelete
  6. And the Adjunct went into the University Court and overturned the tables of the Vice President (Finance) and the chairs of the Vice President (Advancement). And he said to them, "This is a Place of Learning and Scholarship, but you have turned it into a Den of Thieves"

    ReplyDelete
  7. Though I walk in the shadow of the Valley of Death, I shall fear no Evil. For I am THE DEAN

    ReplyDelete
  8. Jeremiah 29:11
    For I know the plans I have for you my dear snowflake, declares LORD Proffie, plans to prosper your unique mind and not to harm your delicate constitution, plans to give you hope that you'll get a job upon graduation so that you can face a future of staggering debt.

    Tyho, Assistant Prof near NYC

    ReplyDelete
  9. Cast not pearls before snowflakes.

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Consider the snowflakes, how they procrastinate: they neither toil nor plan; yet I tell you, even Paris Hilton in all her glory was not clothed like one of these. But if their Daddy so bedecks the chairs of the classroom, which is asleep today and tomorrow is thrown into the workforce, how much more will he accessorise you—you of little personal ambition! And do not keep striving for what you are to buy and what you are to wear, and do not keep worrying. For it is the other students of the dorm that strive after all these things, and your Daddy knows that you need them. Instead, strive for his inheritance, and these things will be given to you as well.

      Delete
  11. Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of my colleagues, you did it to me.

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  12. And she brought forth an adjunct, and wrapped him in overloads, and laid him in a manger because there was no office for him in the building.

    (yes, repeating what I used on twiter. Suck it. :) )

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  13. Yea, though I walk through the hallways of the shadow of ignorance, I shall fear no snowflake: for Bubba and Frod are will me; thy booze and thy stapler comfort me.

    ReplyDelete

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