Thursday, November 3, 2016

A Possible Big Thirsty On All That Is Possible from OPH.

If the Cubs can win the World Series for the first time in over a century, maybe my Provost will spend some of our growing endowment to increase faculty for the first time since I've been at this joint.

If the Cubs can win the World Series for the first time in over a century, maybe some students will get the near-perfect scores they need on their finals to scrape by with D's for the first time in, like, ever.

If the Cubs can win the World Series for the first time in over a century, maybe I will drive to work tomorrow without even thinking about the growing dread for the first time in weeks.

Q: If the Cubs can win the World Series for the first time in over a century, what else is possible?

-- From Ogre Proctor Hep

P.S. Happy Birthday, RYS!


  1. WPA 2.0 (now with worker protections!) rebuilds the nation's infrastructure and provides millions of living-wage jobs.

    The good folks at The Completion Agenda Foundation finally realize that all the degrees and certificates in the world aren't going to help college graduates if there aren't jobs for them. In a magnificent example of walking the talk, they turn their attention to funding full-time faculty lines to increase the number of Ph.D. holders who are gainfully employed.

    And for those who don't get a full-time position, universal health care and a guaranteed minimum income make it financially feasible to work as an adjunct.

    1. WPA 2.0 rebuilds the infrastructure with a focus on smart materials/winterizing/porous pavement/solar and wind power to mitigate the worst effects of climate change.

  2. Not tie adorable health care to years served.... so that old folks like me can leave when we feel that our best years are behind us

    1. not my only typo of the day... but surely the cutest one. I do have to wonder what adorable health care would be like......

    2. ...and Mrs. OPH might not be happy with you, either.

    3. She's already my adorable health care provider. I couldn't afford it if I didn't put a ring on it.

  3. If the Cubs can win the World Series, why can't we put a man on the Moon? Oops, wait a minute there...

    I trust that OPH realizes this is all a non sequitur. If the Cubs can win the World Series, good for the Cubs. It implies nothing about anyone else. It especially doesn't imply anything government might do: the Cubs aren't part of the government, you know.

    By the way, barely a year after their surprise World Series win, the Amazin' Mets were back to sucking, just as they'd done before.

    1. Well, see, the "man on the moon" thing is of the form

      IF [complicated thing X] THEN why not [complicated thing Y],

      whereas my thing is of the form

      IF [improbable thing P] has happened NOW, THEN may we also suppose [improbable thing Q] will also happen REALLY SOON?

      Quite different. Funny, too, like non sequiturs:

      "Knock knock!"
      "Who's there?"
      "Non sequitur."
      "Sorry, I don't follow."

      That shit's gold, right there.

      But in citing the case of the Mets, you've exactly divined my deeper meaning: if in my hellish academic existence, a wished-for longshot were to happen, it would most likely be the last of its kind within my lifetime. Just knowing this is why I can't have nice things.

  4. All the research universities in the U.S. can figure out how to create a teaching tenure track, and convert the majority of current adjuncts to a full-time status appropriate to their accrued service/years of experience, building on the experience of existing teaching-oriented institutions. And teaching-oriented institutions with significant adjunct populations can convert part-time positions to full-time tenure-track ones. They might even accept an M.A. plus significant teaching experience as equivalent to a Ph.D. for such purposes, at least during the transition period (with everyone so qualified grandfathered/mothered in for the rest of their careers).

    Meanwhile, the Ph.D.-granting institutions can find a way to right-size the Ph.D. pipeline without making it harder for good students with geographical constraints to get a Ph.D. (I think the best approach might be grad admissions only every 2nd or 3rd year in some places, so you still have decent-sized cohorts, and you can still apply with geography as a major concern, just not any year you like. If you *really* want a Ph.D. from a particular institution, you can wait a year or two. Maybe you can even apply any year, so you know you have a spot, but you can't start until the designated next beginning year).

    And, building on all of the above (especially the teaching-oriented positions), the U.S. can create a system of higher ed faculty employment that doesn't assume that a truly dedicated academic would move, and live, anywhere, regardless of family and other obligations (and the number of faculty who spend at least their first decade or so at a particular institution convinced that they're just there 'til they write their way out would significantly decrease).

    Throw in a solution to the whole Israel/Palestine/Jerusalem condundrum,world peace, food and shelter for all (and education for all who genuinely want/value it), and end to disease (aren't the Gates working on that one), and things are looking quite rosy.

  5. The Dean of Appeasement, Rentention, Satisfaction, & Engagement acknowledges that a proffie’s job is essentially to help young people improve their own lives, and from now on he and his minions will leave said proffies the hell alone to get on with it.

  6. Thank the RGM for the graphic and editing. All hail the RGM.

  7. If the Cubs can win a World Series, maybe people can finally stop talking about them.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.