An old-fashioned smack-down for the week that was.
Dear afternoon class: Given the “Key Terms” list at the end of every chapter and the glossary at the end of the book, please explain to me how it is that over half the class failed the vocabulary quiz this week? Do any of you even open that book?
Dear Talkative Timmy: You’ve annoyed me all summer with your non-stop chatter about who-knows-what while I’m trying to lecture. But still, how is it possible that last week you gave us a relatively well-prepared oral presentation over Islam, then proceeded to fail miserably the vocabulary quiz over Islam? You included mosques in your presentation, but could not remember what a minaret is? WTF?
Dear Bedridden Beatrice: Yes, I know you really were sick. I don’t need to read your medical records.
The “No makeup quizzes” statement on the syllabus could not be more prominent. So I’m certain your daddy was shocked when the dean did not share his outrage at my denying you a makeup quiz for the day you missed. It’s a good thing you found a way to let him know before class was even over.
Hey, does he know that you rarely stay for the whole class, and routinely slip out at the break? Good thing I take roll twice every day. Perhaps you can have him call the dean to complain about that. -- Oh, and you have an A so far, even with the zero. So please just STFU.
Dear Lazy Lucy, and Laura, and Larry, and Luther, etc.: Copying entries from Wikipedia and Answers.com does not count as writing a critical response paper.
Nor does copying paragraphs from your textbook count as answering critical reading questions. If I wanted to know what the author thinks, I would ask her to write it down for me. Oh wait. She already did.
Dear Plagiarizing Paul: Yes. You failed my class last fall. Why, you ask? You plagiarized (75% on turnitin.com) your research paper. And you didn’t turn in any of your response essays.
Yes, you did well on the midterm, final, and quizzes. But you should make a habit of noting how much things are worth. When you get zeroes on 45% of the coursework, it is very difficult to earn a passing grade in the course.
You’ll take it again in the fall? Good. But is it really necessary to take it with me again? Really? Oh I cannot wait.