To the Technology Department

These are emails that I wrote and (being a responsible type by day) never sent. But here ...

To the Building Manager:

I understand and sympathize with your goal of protecting the new paint on the walls. However, your dictate to post nothing on my wall or door conflicts with the Dean's order to post office hours. She approves my salary, you don't. Accordingly, I am using the framed picture that you permitted as a place to (you guessed it) post office hours and student information. Sincerely, Picky Historian.

To the Technology Department:

Okay, I get it. You want to make sure that I use only approved Microcrap software and install nothing else. Please explain why neither my (Microcrap) netbook and Ubuntu desktop, both equipped with "suspicious even though approved by Lifehacker, PC World, et al" free antivirus software, OO, Firefox, Thunderbird, etc., , have never had a virus, whilst my office machine running your approved software has been infected seventeen ways to Sunday? Yours in greatest annoyance, Picky Historian. PS: nanny nanny boo boo. I got Thunderbird to play nice with the Outlook server, so I don't have to use that POS Outlook Lite.