Friday, October 8, 2010

Hound of the Baskervilles / University St.

I hope that someone else finds this as amusing as I did...

This morning I came to work to brace for the onslaught of Student Problems With Our Electronic Testing System (aka: we got this package for cheap because we are 'testing' it.) I arrived at about 730, and moseyed across the street to obtain a delicious Dunkin' Donuts egg/cheese flatbread. On my way to the office (on the other side of the street), I saw a collie in the middle of the road.

A big collie. Like a "Timmy Fell Down The Well" collie. It was eating a very flat squirrel.

So, the little darlings were rolling by in their BMWs and Mercedes and shooing the dog out of the street. I was struck by the number of little darlings IN BMWs at this hour, but decided not to think too hard about privilege at that particular moment. The dog was pretty determined to finish his squirrel version of a fruit roll-up and kept going back to the carcass.

Fortunately, the collie was close to a crosswalk notorious for oblivious students darting into the road, so people slow down as they approach it. I was able to lure the dog toward me with the egg and cheese, grab its collar, and tow it to the relative safety of the University grounds. I dug around in its massive fur ruff and found its tags.

The dog's name was Noble. NOBLE. One can only hope it has a companion named Barnes, because there is absolutely nothing noble about a beast licking a dead squirrel in traffic. But, I also discovered that the dog's owner lives in one of the very posh residences reserved for University mucky-mucks on campus. I called said mucky-muck who answered in a VERY patrician female voice and assured me that she would be "right over" for the dog.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I beheld a young man approaching me at a fast trot with a black leash in his hand. The surprise was not only that he was a he (and not the patrician female) but that he was wearing a matching tie/shirt combo worth of Regis Philbin, complete with Big State U tie clip and a school ring AND a lot of hair gel.

"THANK YOU so much!" he exclaimed. "I'm so glad you called before Noble was roadkill, too!"

I openly gawked.

"[Owner] always worries that he will run off like this."

More gawking.

Finally I recalled myself to civility and mentioned something about how I'd seen the dog frolicking in an unsupervised fashion on the university quad before, and thus I'd recognized it as a Big State U dog. I was glad that Noble (snort, giggle) was restored to his...uh...rightful place.

I can only imagine what it's like to have a factotum whom you can send to retrieve your dog that periodically wanders into traffic after you set him free (unsupervised) on the quadrangle which is NOT, you entitled Mucky-Muck, your personal yard.

Ah was a pleasant comedic break from the exam whinging of the youngsters.


  1. My daughter threw up last night and my dog tried to eat it. That's neither here nor there really, but I just felt like sharing.

  2. I'm sure the dog's real name is something much more civilized like... Champion Fredrick's Highest Nobility

    That was probably one pedigreed tongue licking the road kill. The squirrel's family should be honored.

  3. As an animal rescueer, I just want to thank you for doing the right thing by this dog, especially because no one else bothered to stop for him.

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