Since then, I’ve been saving gems from my conversations with these idiots.
A student got a zero for an online homework assignment due at midnight because he turned it in at 4 am. “But professor, I started it at 11 pm. Technically, that’s before the deadline.” Go jump off a building, ok? Technically, it's not the fall which hurts you.
When counseling a student to drop my class after getting a 40% on the first exam, he says, “I already took a class just like this in high school so I’m pretty confident in my abilities.” Thanks for the heads up. We'll stop recruiting students from there next year.
A student denies that she fabricated her lab data because she “only moved the decimal point a couple of places." She thought it was ok because she changed all the data the same way.
A student wants to know her midterm grade. I ask if she is in my 8 am or noon class. She pulls out her phone and says, “Um, I’m not sure. Let me check.” Sorry, time is too complicated for you. Are you sleepy or hungry in my class? And by the way, when do you finally have your class schedule memorized, November?
I hear ya. For a short while I had worked at a university where they had rolled out a bullshit initiative requiring us to report to counseling services any student exhibiting behavior that wasn't "on the path to success," which if anyone has spent ten minutes in a fucking classroom would know that at least 80% of the students would be screwing around on facebook, chatting, texting, or just simply not there.
ReplyDeleteThe idea was that counseling services would call their home, and talk to them, talk to mom and dad, and see what could be done to get the snowflake on track.
Because I steadfastly believe in the "sink or swim" approach to pedagogy, I flat out refused to participate in this nonsense. I'm sure had I stayed, some asshole from counseling would have called MY parents to see why I'm not being a team player.
Wow, Dr. Cranky, sounds like the snowflakes took over at your previous institution.
ReplyDeleteBen, was this conversation with the student who didn't know which class she was in recent? If it was towards the beginning of a semester/quarter, I could see not being sure, but this late in either... "That's inconceivable!"
Mathsquatch out.
I know that it's not your job to play Mom/therapist, but I don't think that the counseling check-in is such a bad idea. Some students get depressed and fall off-track and others are just overwhelmed. Freshman, in particular, seem to feel lost at sea. So a little bit of counseling to the effect of some study tips and time management advice might not be so lousy for them.
ReplyDeleteI have a list of resources for students (study skills, counseling, etc.) And I called the RA of a student who had a concussion, came to my class, and fainted in the hallway outside because she refused to go to the health center and I thought she might die and stuff.
ReplyDeletePast that, no involvement, it makes me too angry/sad.
But...worst snowflake moment of last year was when a PARENT phoned me to tell me that it was MY responsibility to ensure that her precious darling come to class because he had AVOIDANCE DISORDER. Then she told me that she could tell I was "very young" and didn't know "how these things worked."
I took great joy in telling that bitch that I'd taught college for seven years, thank you very much, and that if she had a problem with my teaching, she needed to phone my department head.
Strange, she never called...
for me it's becoming a problem that administrators and chairs side with the bullshit actions of students more and more. if a student is a flake, I just dust them off. but when that same flake goes and gets some "customer service" from a dean and *I* get called in for reprogramming, that's when the job is no longer worth it.
ReplyDeleteBen: I've tried dealing with a bumpkin from our "Center for Teaching and Learning" who seems unable to resist any new technique for dealing with students, no matter how patently absurd, with a new tack. What I did was, in much the same breathless manner this yokel often uses, talked up the "hot, new" concepts of personal responsibility and student accountability. It was worth a shot: I'll post how the results go.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the guy in charge of student retention/making sure students get to the right counselor/making sure students don't blow up classroom, etc. I'll call him "Bob."
ReplyDeleteBob takes any obligations to put up with snowflakery, and determining what are or are not valid problems that can be solved off my back. I see an obviously deranged student. Send them to "Bob". Student not showing up. Send them to "Bob." Student depressed. Send them to "Bob." Student has obviously undiagnosed learning disorder. Send them to "Bob."
Let me tell you, a "Bob" who actually does his job makes your life waaaay easier and has your back. HIGHLY recommend.