Getting along with other humans is not really that hard for me. I can take a lot. I can put up with most things. I can suffer fools, fakes, and fonies gladly. I even LIKE people.I like my colleagues a lot. Some of them have been to my home. I went on a damn retreat once with most of them. I shared a hotel room with one once at a conference!
So, I can get along.
But I'm at the end of my rope.
There's a quite lovely person who offices across the hall from me. He's a good teacher and a good dad and all that. I have nothing against him.
However, for the past 3 months he has uttered this one sentence one thousand times too often: "Ohhhhh, it is so cold in this building."
Sure, that sounds like an innocuous enough statement. But when it is accompanied with him wrapping his arms across his chest and doing a little shiver dance, and then doing it again 20 minutes later, and then during office hours, and then standing at the elevator, and then as we walk to class, well it's just too freaking much. (Sometimes, he'll just stand in my doorway, shake his head, and say, "Oh, man..." I know what he means. It's cold. Got it.)
This building IS a little cold. I know it. He knows it. The American people know it. It's a result of some forces beyond my understanding. But it has always been this way. EVERYONE thinks it's a little cold, students, proffies, the guy who keeps the vents clean. Everyone.
And you can't believe what building citizens do. We have sweaters in our offices that we put on during office hours. Mine is an honest to God cardigan. It's blue. Some people have sweatshirts - with our school mascot. One colleague has an actual jacket she wears. It's stylish, goes with everything.
What nobody else does is say, "Ohhhh, it is so cold in this building."
Except this one guy. This one guy who I'm going to have to kill. I don't want to do it. I know I'll end up chairing the search committee for his replacement. But, seriously, I don't have any other option at this point.
Fab
I have a colleague who tells me all the time when she has to pee...
ReplyDeleteWanna trade?
I have a Temperature Rule.
ReplyDelete"I can put more clothes on when it is cold. So can you. Do not complain about cold. I cannot take off any more clothes when it is hot. Neither should you. Feel free to complain."
In winter my classroom and office are so warm I have to take a shower when I get home to rinse off the sweat. In summer they are so cold I've had students bring blankets to class to wrap themselves in (in July!)
ReplyDeleteAnd I like Sawyer's rule, makes sense to me.
The Temperature Rule makes sense. I, too, own an Office Sweater (and think fondly of Jimmy Carter when I put it on). The year I found myself contemplating buying fingerless gloves to supplement my office-hours garb, I (and several others) complained a bit to each other, but more to those who could actually do something about the situation (i.e. Building Services). After a bit of fiddling with some aging parts of the heating units and replacing others, they improved the situation considerably (back to sweater-but-no-gloves temperatures).
ReplyDelete@Fab: can't you just turn your rays on the poor bastard, and warm him up? Maybe he suspects your secret identity? Failing that, maybe you could place a magnifying glass in a strategic position between yourself and him, thus precipitating his mysterious (and nicely Dickensian) demise. But it might, indeed, be a good idea to save that idea for the year before you're on leave.
I'd expand this notion to the simple idea that in any group there are people who are complainers. It doesn't matter if it's the temperature or distance to the bathroom or slowness of the elevator. They'll bitch about it regardless.
ReplyDeleteFab's colleague sounds like someone who could use an extra layer of fat on his body. Perhaps gifting him some heavy meats and cheeses for the holiday.
I'm also a fan of the Temperature Rule. Due to some health issues, I feel hot all the time, even when most people are putting on sweaters. In the summer, I barely venture from home during daylight hours unless necessary, and often with ice packed somewhere against my body. I wear lightweight t-shirts all year round. I live in a cold climate and couldn't function in a hot one.
ReplyDeleteI truly sympathize with those who feel cold at times, but there's really no 'anti-sweater' that I can wear to feel less hot. And feeling too warm can actually make me ill, not just uncomfortable. So, yeah, please, a sweater if you need one, and we'll try to negotiate on the thermostat so that no one actually needs gloves.
I'm never one to encourage the blanket celebration of Christmas, but maybe you should go to Walgreen's and buy a $10 electric fire. They're so cheap, and your colleague will think you are the best colleague Eva.
ReplyDeleteBesides, I'd pay $10 to make that guy shut up. And I haven't even heard it, just imagined it. Get him the heater.
Fab, but I AM cold in my office.
ReplyDeleteDo you ever say, "My brother in arms. Yes, it is cold. I hear you. It's a shame. But let us soldier on together as if it didn't matter!"
That may shut him up...or it might make him think you want to hear more...
"My hands are cold. My feet, too. What about you? What part of you is cold?"
I like the new smackdown Fab!
ReplyDeleteMy office shares a temporary building (OK, a modified double wide construction trailer) with five others. The air circulation is extremely poor, so regardless of the time of year, the building is overly warm and stuffy. Furthermore, the occupants of five of the six offices are big, burly dudes. As such, the air conditioning gets used on a daily basis. In fact, the temperature gets turned down to the looooooooow 70's regularly. The occupant of the sixth office is a dainty little thing, with no more than 0.5% body fat, no natural insulation on her at all. And on a daily basis she says, "Can't you pansies handle a little more cold?!?" before she turns it down to 65.
ReplyDeleteOh I envy you all your sweaters.
ReplyDeleteWe have to wear business professional every day. Sweaters are NOT allowed, because they are NOT suit jackets. I do have a couple heavier ones, and for awhile left them at work to switch into. However... of course... inevitably I got yelled at one day for not being "coordinating" enough after which I simply gave in to the cold and illicitly hard nipples.
The problem is how to deal with the actual complaining before you go totally insane.
ReplyDeleteImagine him naked, in black socks, and standing on the edge of an ice hole. Then mentally kick him in the ice hole. (Oldy but goody!)
Make yourself laugh, roll your eyes, give him the old fhtphh sound or bitch about something trivial every single time he does his routine.
Ice Hole: Brrrr, it's SOOO cold in here.
You: I really hate sprinkles on donuts, too.
Ice Hole: I'm SOOO cold...(shiver dance)
You: It's SOOO gross when people pick their nose in public....(picking dance)
If you can find the way to make yourself laugh rather than feel the bamboo slivers running under your fingernails as he says the SAME THING OVER AND OVER, you can manage the pain somewhat. By making a joke of it, you might actually make him laugh too, and alert the nutter to what he is doing.
I like Academic Monkey's idea. Buy the fucker one of those little space heaters. He will love you.
ReplyDeleteLittle proffie-- "not coordinating enough"? Where on earth do you teach/ what kind of school? I'm so glad I'm in an art department. "Oh, *black* jeans. Those look professional!" Yeah, and these are my dress-Converse.
ReplyDelete