Today was the first day of Hamster Fur Knitting 315. I led the students through the syllabus as per usual, but because last semester's students had complained that they didn't like knitting shawls and scarves--they thought they'd be knitting delicate gloves and booties, instead--I had this semester's students look up online job ads related to knitting hamster fur. That way, they'd get a realistic idea about what kind of hamster fur products (utilitarian shawls and scarves, not fussy baby-doll gloves) that get made and the kinds of hamster fur knitting skills that employers want.
It went pretty well. The students checked Monster.com and Careerbuilder.com and various other sites, took notes about what employers wanted in a hamster fur knitter, and shared their findings aloud. "The ad asked for someone who can organize teams of knitters? Very good. What else did the job ad ask for?"
Then I called on Hippie Dippie.
HD: "So...what you're getting at is that hamster fur knitters have to do all sorts of stuff."
Me: "Yeeeeeees...but what did the job ad you looked at ask for?"
HD: "For...like...knitting hamster fur."
Me: "We're listing specific skills that employers want in a hamster fur knitter. Did the ad include anything other than what's already listed on the board?"
HD: "Yeah. They're looking for respect."
I died a bit inside, gave up, and wrote "respect" on the board. It looked kinda lonely up there by itself, next to all the other students' lists of five to seven items.
After class, Hippie Dippie stuck around to chat. "Hey, Mr. Mindbender. I get the way you're teaching. You're...like...showing us the big picture, and I really appreciate your teaching that way." Then she gave me a fist bump--"I only do this for friends," she said, when it was far too late for me to retract my arm politely-- and grooved out of the room.
*sigh* Sorry to tell you this, sunshine, but knitting hamster fur is all about details, and we're gonna get super-detailed right soon. I really, really don't think you're going to like the rest of Hamster Fur Knitting 315, and I really, really don't look forward to seeing you on Monday.
Well, at least it sounds like most of them are on the ball. Perhaps you can get detailed enough fast enough to persuade her to drop?
ReplyDeleteYou may be judging too quickly. I was always amazed by how much left-brained activity was required to get Grateful Dead tickets: you'd have to fill out two 3" x 5" cards in a particular way and send them through the postal mail to a particular address by a particular date, etc. I'm just surprised she didn't exclaim in horror, "Is that REAL hamster fur?!?" ;-)
ReplyDeleteThis is the only thing that has made me laugh in the soul-sucking morass of the start of term. Well-played.
ReplyDeleteI'm still stuck on what the specialized tools would be to knit hamster fur. Tweezers? I'm trying to think of a field that would be an appropriate metaphor, and failing...
ReplyDeleteHamster fur has a short staple length, and so you generally have to blend it with another fiber such as wool so that it doesn't shed all over the place.
ReplyDeleteYou need to wash it, then card it, then draft it, then spin it, then ply it (if necessary for your project), then skein it, then dye it (again, if necessary for your project), then wind it into a ball and knit with it.
It's pretty involved, mang!
As a student myself, I am always A-Fuckin-MAZED at the brown nosers on the first day of class (unless they're a previous student). How they hell do they know how the class is like? How the proffie teaches/ lectures? Did they have some time machine that took them into the future and brought them back? Funny thing is that those shit-likers are usually the ones who drop the class. Ha-ha.
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