Q1. You're driving to work tomorrow morning. You're feeling good. You left home early. You're going to get to campus early and get a head-start on things. Then, you get a flat tire. You get out of your car and you're standing there staring at the flat tire. You don't want to wait for AAA, but you don't want to get dirty. You're not dressed to the nines, but definitely to the sevens.
So here's the question: You're standing there looking at the tire with your back to the road and obviously not paying any attention to who's driving by. Will any of your colleagues stop to help you? The chairman? The dean? The president? A student? Anybody? Or will they just keep on driving?
Q2. The tables are turned. Do you stop and help one of them?
A. Feel free to use percentages or acknowledge which factors might affect the outcomes. Be honest, dammit.... Oh, and it's raining.
I'd change it. And I'd stop for anyone else I knew. Probably stop for people I didn't know if I was running early and feeling spiffy.
ReplyDeleteHey, Bubba. Could you make the tire photo a little bigger. It doesn't quite fill my entire monitor.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I'd ruin the already poorly conceived aesthetic design of the College Misery webpage with an unnecessarily large graphic which reminds everybody what a flat tire looks like.
ReplyDeleteI would then tease Southern Bubba about it. By then, everybody should have been able to change their tires and get to work.
If I knew the victim I'd stop and offer them a ride to a gas station, or the use of my cell phone to call a tow truck. I would not be any help in changing a flat tire and wouldn't offer. (Why yes, I HAVE cultivated helplessness for tedious tasks I didn't want to do anyway. I recommend it.)
ReplyDeleteTire changing: lost art.
ReplyDelete@WW: I laughed for about two minutes at your comment... and then another 30 seconds at BB's... because I spent about 20 minutes trying to shrink down that photo. And because the only thing I've consumed today is bourbon. But it turns out that I am mildly fucktarded at image-manipulating. And now that I look at it, it does fit the oevre... the gestalt... the context of the CM page.
ReplyDeleteWhatever. I would never have a flat tire, because I ride a horse to work.
What if your horse throws a shoe?
ReplyDelete@ Kenny--duct tape works for that. Or carry an Easybot.
ReplyDeleteAs Vietnam War FM pirate Dave Rabbit said "....run the motherfucker over. Whadda they gonna do - SEND YOU TO VIETNAM?!"
ReplyDeleteI kinda like the big flat tire in the middle of the page. It does no harm to the aesthetic of the page (such as it is) and fits in metaphorically with the content. Maybe we should keep it, or resurrect it periodically for those posts which report total fails of one kind or another (or we could go look for one of a vehicle with the wheels detaching, and use that as a metaphor for the university).
ReplyDeleteOh, and to answer the original question: I theoretically know how to change a tire, but, from the time my father first tried to teach me (on a '62 Chevy Belair, in our driveway), I haven't been able to budge machine-tightened lugs. In fact, neither could he. So the only practical (rather than theoretical) method of changing a tire I know is to call the AAA, which brings a guy in a truck with some sort of portable power bolt-loosener. I'm sure it's possible to do it by hand, but I've actually never seen the feat accomplished. Maybe I associate with wimps.
ReplyDeleteSo, since the AAA card isn't transferable, I guess the best I could do is offer my cell phone (if it had any juice left, which it often doesn't).
On the other hand, if you're stuck in snow, I've got some rusty but very effective wire treads (rescued from the same Belair) in my trunk, and I'd be happy to help push.
CC, I have the same problem with tire bolts. Get a metal pipe to keep in your car. Slide it onto the small tire wrench that comes with your car and you get a lot of leverage. Keep the pipe under your seat so it can be used for protection if necessary.
ReplyDeleteThere's a standard size tire iron in the back of my car. Has popped off all the power-tightened nuts I've applied it to. The little ones that come with the car are useless.
ReplyDelete@Fab: You did wonders with that flat tire. You're very artistic.
ReplyDeleteOddly enough, I had an accident on campus yesterday. Parking lot was mostly empty but for two carloads of HS kids. None of them came to help me. In fact, I'm fairly certain that one of them called their friends, because several carloads of HS kids came to drive by and laugh at me (I hit a light pole head on--it's not in a median strip and I was watching the carload of HS kids cutting through the lot towards me when I hit the pole).
ReplyDeleteI hope they all die slowly.