"I don't know what my grade is."
Well, since I gave you four exams and a final, all equally weighted, then you are lazy.
"I know I deserve whatever grade I get..."
Bullshit. What grade do you want?
"...But it's been a really tough semester. My girlfriend transferred to another school and..."
Yeah, this semester's been a bitch for me too. The girlfriend of one of my students transferred to another school. We've all got our problems. What Grade Do You Want?
"...and I really worked hard in this class."
$&%?&*@! WHAT GRADE DO YOU WANT?
"I would really like to get a C."
W. T. F. ? This is what happens when you don't check your own grade, moron. You have a 76% before our final, which I haven't graded yet. You'd have to really screw up to drop that far. You could do so well that I would be tempted to bump you up to a B. Thank you for inspring the fortitude to resist that temptation. I think I'll follow through on your request.
You're welcome.
This is hilarious. I almost ell-oh-elled, but instead choose to laugh!
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ReplyDeleteI think I will try a twisted version of this on my students.
ReplyDeleteStudent: Blah, blah, blah, grade-grub, blah, blah, blah
Me: (sounding like a waiter) And what grade would you like.
Student: An A. I want to get in to (Med School, Starfleet Academy, Scandelously Accredited Basket-Weaving Tech, etc.)
(Student now has hopes up. Move in for kill.)
Me: Sorry, not gonna happen!
While other characters on CM always seem to be hyperbolizing, I always believe Ben's stories are nothing but the truth.
ReplyDeleteHis hairline, I can't say for sure.
Fab
wouldn't be lovely if students would write up honest assessments of what their semester grades should be? and we could consider the facts and agree with them, as in "yes, you probably deserve a C, so I will just give it to you?" That would make the end of semester so much easier in terms of grading.
ReplyDeleteOf course, the problem with that proposition is that 99.99% of students would make cases (no matter how far-fetched and harebrained) for why they deserve A's.
ReplyDeletePerhaps the policy should be: "If you can make a convincing case for a letter grade, I will give you that grade. However, if you are stupid enough to try to convince me to give you an A when you have a solid C average, I will automatically give you a D."
Maybe I will give this a shot next year. I really hate end-of-semester grading.
I've had pretty good results asking students to submit a proposal for their grade earned. It's only the truly snowflakiest who go for the easy A with an idiotic letter - which allows me to take points off for "logic."
ReplyDeleteMost, in my limited experience doing it, hit right on the number.
"Yeah, this semester's been a bitch for me too. The girlfriend of one of my students transferred to another school. We've all got our problems."
ReplyDeleteI needed that laugh. Thank you, Ben.
I'm confused.
ReplyDeleteHow is a "C" a drop--significant of otherwise--from a 76?
Has the numerical equivalency made a(significant) shift?
@ Mrs. C:
ReplyDeleteBB uses the same scale I do, apparently. Why not use more of the number line? 40% is a failing grade, for me, and 76 is a B.
This also allows you to make problems more difficult, which has two excellent benefits:
1. Even the best of students can find a challenge.
2. The marginal students can pass the course without suffering from the delusion that they actually understand chemistry.
Thanks; all up in here, the scale is still 65-69, D; 70-79, C (ranging); 80-89, B (ranging); and 90-100, A (ranging).
ReplyDeleteOur recently-arrived, particularly from the Middle East, always FREAK OUT when they find out that a 64--or 50 or 40--is failing.
BTW, mine is a ruraburban college town public high school; those scales hold through year-end state testing for my discipline, but a HEFY curve has been applied in the maths and sciences the last several years, which makes our C-low B students look like complete GENIUSES. I pity the natural A kids in those classes; there is no "127"/A++++++.